Buh-Bye 2008!

I figure since it's the last day of 2008 I better post something, right?

This time of year is all about the "Best of List's". While 2008 was an incredible year of ups and downs for me, I look back on it with such admiration. To think where my life has taken me in just 12 months is remarkable. So what better time to share with you some of my personal 'highs' of 2008:

1) The first one isn't just one moment, it's a compliation of many. One to the best things about 2008 is being told by my best friends that "I am Back". It feels to good to be back to my 'old' self and enjoying life again.

2) What a great year spent with my family. The ups and downs in my personal life this year has only brought my family closer (and for good reason, there isn't someone in the picture trying to rip us apart). I can't thank them enough for all their undying love and support this year. The quiet moments we spent, the loud and obnoxious ones at the lake; all are just as important and just as memorable.

3) One of the best parts of this year is allowing myself to just "live in the moment". I have tried so hard to relinquish my natural state of stress and figuring out what I need to do "next" and just live in the here and now. Many of times over the past couple months when I start feeling overwhelmed about everything I need to do, I draw myself back and remember that the most important thing is Layla and I being taken care of "at this moment". That's all that matters and reminding myself of that has been so liberating.

4) Dating again. This is a bright spot in 2008. If you've read any of previous posts you know I have been back in the dating scene for about 2 months. What fun it's been, albeit completely exhausting, it's really quite fun. Rediscovering the 'butterflies' and "first kisses" has been amazing. I look forward to what 2009 has to give me in this department.

5) Reconnecting with my faith. This is really what has kept me going strong and the most important aspect in my personal journey this year. I have had the help of many dear friends and for that I am eternally grateful. My spirtual journey has taken many twists and turns in my lifetime and I finally feel likes it's on the right path for me. Can't wait for where this path takes me next.

6) Layla. What an amazing child this is. This year she has completely transformed from a baby to a little girl. It's been thrilling watching her develop this unique little personality. She's truly been the one constant in my life this year. When the day hadn't gone right, all I had to do was sit on the floor and play with her and remember how blessed I am. I remember a distinct moment soon after Farhad and I seperated. It was right before bedtime and we had just finished reading a book in her room. I decided to hold her and rock her a few minutes before 'nigh nigh time'. I just remember her cozying up to me and staring at me. It was in the moment I realized just how precious and important being her Mom was. No matter what happened in our life, she would always have me and likewise, I would always have her.

There are so many more moments that defined this year...too many to talk about here, but the above are few of the best and most memorable. I am reminded in this time of reflection just how wonderful my 'new' life is. I am so truly happy and thankful for all the blessings in my life.

And with that, I wish you all a fabulous end to 2008 and here's the hoping 2009 is only 'bigger and better'.

Cheers! Christian

Someone has a hot date on New Year's!

Woo Hoo!

Let me start by saying, the 3rd time was definitely the charm. McScotty and I finally went on a date aside from our lunch rendezvous. We met for drinks Friday night and had a great time. The more I get to know about him, the more I like him. He is such a sweetheart, extremely genuine, and just so darn nice. We have so much in common and although I thought I would have a tough time given our age difference, it's become less and less important to me. I've decided age is simply a number. He certainly doesn't act his age (what guy does?) and certainly doesn't dress or look his age. I've gotten past all that!

I haven't shut the door on exploring what else is out there in the dating world, but I just haven't found anyone that I want to actually go on a date with. Who knows, but for now I am very content. McScotty and I are going to do a 'day date' tomorrow...sushi for lunch and then an afternoon movie. THEN, he asked me to join him on New Year's. I have no clue what we are doing, but I am confident it'll be a good time. I have found the best babysitter ever, Nana and Papa are keeping little bit overnight (Woo Hoo). I'm really looking forward to it. :)

3rd Times a Charm Right?

First off, hope everyone had a magical Christmas! It was the first stress-free Christmas in years. Layla and I had such a wonderful day filled with joy, peace and lots of love. She got so many new things I actually stole of few toys before she unwrapped them and I'm saving them for her birthday (am I horrible Mom or what? Stealing her Christmas gifts. He He He)

So tonight marks the third Friday in a row McScotty and I will attempt to go out on a date. Hopefully it'll actually happen, but I am certainly not holding my breath. I have been smart enough to plan a few backup options (can't let a good babysitter go to waste!). That said, we've actually gotten to know each other a lot better in the past week. I feel like I have known him for a while, even though we've only seen each other once. I'm really looking forward to spending a little 'face' time with this one...he might be a keeper.

On the other hand, I had another date lined up for tomorrow night (Sat) but cancelled it almost as quickly as I agreed to it. This guy was a piece of work. While he seemed really nice and normal at first. He's another match.com guy and we started talking earlier this week on match, then yahoo messenger. Our first conversation was very normal, very pleasant.I agreed to meet him this weekend but had reservations. The next time we talked he acted like we were dating. WTF? I kept telling myself just to give him a shot as I need to date a few more people before I can narrow down right? (right Will?) until....

The day after our second conversation he sent me at least 6 text messages and several IM's on yahoo, not to mention 2 emails. Um, hello? Desperate Much? Red Flag numero uno. Then I found out he was only seperated 2 months ago. Red flag dos.
THEN (and this is the best), when I told him my little brother was coming in town for the weekend he asked if he was staying with me. When I said no, he implied after we met Saturday night (for what I though would be meeting for a few drinks) he could just crash at my house. UM, NO! NO! and NO!. Are you crazy?
I decided immediately this one had to be shut off. So I did the mature thing...I emailed him (hey, it's better than just ignoring the guy which is what I would have rather done). I figured he at least deserved an explanation as to why I would agree to meet then back out. Maybe he can learn something before he meets his next 'victim'.

Enough on that. I am off to have a productive afternoon before my 'date'. Wish me luck (and knock on some wood that it actually happens).

Back the Truck Up

Yes, another venting post about F-head. This is great. He's just such a gem.

Last night I place a call to him to talk about this weeks schedule (after all, it is not only a holiday, but also his birthday on Tuesday). Apparently someone must of pissed on his cornflakes yesterday. To say the least it wasn't a pleasant conversation. He told me immediately he didn't care it was a holiday, we wanted her during his "normal" times of M-W-F for 2-3 hours. First of all, there is no 'normal' schedule as he changes it to fit his agenda. I tell him I just wanted to see if maybe he also wanted to take her Tuesday evening since after all, it was his birthday. Oh lord...he went on a 5 minutes tangant about how he would just spend his birthday alone. To which I respond he could spend his birthday with his daughter. This is great...he says, "what in the hell am I going to do with a 2 year old on my birthday? It's not like she can help me celebrate." Seriously? The man needs a good dose of reality (and a good swift left hook to his face).

We move onto to Wednesday evening. I tell him it is Christmas Eve and we do have plans so if he is planning on taking her I need to pick her by 5:30p. He retorts with, "YES, I know you have plans. You have your family to spend time with. I have no one. I am going to spend my birthday alone and the rest of my life alone". Blah blah blah.

Then he moves onto to telling me how I have completely screwed up his entire life. Whoa whoa whoa...back the truck up buddy. If I recall, you are the one who f-ed this up. You are the one who thought it was okay to have an 8 month relationship with a 22year old and then procedes to go online and set up other dates after she broke up with you. And I am the one to screw your life up? You must be kidding.

The conversation went on for another few minutes and I listened to him accuse me of being a 'freeloader' on all his money. For real??? How quick he forgets that for the first 5 years of our relationship I was the one providing everything. He said some pretty hurtful things, although there is little he can do to hurt me know. I started laughing at several points during this conversation (that probably didn't help his state of mind but whatever).

Drumroll...this is the best part of the entire conversation. He tells me he knows I have been going on dates with a bunch of 'freaks'. Apparently, all his friends call him to tell him of my where abouts whenever I am out. Interesting. I called BS on this. I have been on 2 official dates thus far and what do you think the odds are that he has had friends out where I am on those 2 occasions? Slim to none (mostly because he doesn't have any friends here...not being mean, just ask him. He'll tell you. He told me several times last night that he "has no one here"). And the lies just keep on coming. And he wonders why I left him?

So this is what I have to deal with. All because I wanted to have a pleasant conversation about when he wanted to see his daughter this week. I could go on and on about funny things he said during our conversation but I'll save that for a later laugh. He is seriously warped. Seriously.

Oh sweet child o' mine.

I haven't 'blogged' about Layla recently and I'm due. The little girl couldn't be any cuter right now. She continues to amaze and amuse me. I was looking at pictures the other day from just a few months ago and can't seem to get over how she's transformed from a 'baby' to a little girl. So sweet. Her vocabulary continues to flourish and she's actually putting words together. So cool to see (but also so eye opening...she tries to repeat everything!).

And I couldn't have a post about her without mentioning this funny little tidbit. She has a new favorite "cup". I certainly won't be up for "Mother of the Year" after this one, but it's quite funny. I have started drinking this 'super juice' of sorts. You are only suppose to have about 2 oz twice a day. So you tell me...what's the perfect way to measure out 2 oz of a liquid??? A shot glass of course. I happen to have a few KU/Jayhawk shot glasses (shocking I know!). She pulled one out of the dishwasher the other day and insisted on drinking her water out of it. It's all she wants to drink out of now. I have to say, while it's a little disturbing, she is truly my child. :)

And what would a Layla post without a picture or two? Here's a few from the last week:

Details...oh the details!

Wish I could post some juicy details of a great date last night, but for the second straight Friday, McScotty (that is 'dream guys' new name), cancelled. Oh yes he did.

Never fear though...I managed to have an amazing night that involved jumper cables, a Sister Christian serenade, and to top if all off: a 65 year old man in a leisure suit sitting on my lap singing Neil Diamond.

I am completely bummed about the cancelled date. Bummed and pissed. Not that his excuse wasn't completely believable, but I am starting to get a tad skepital of this guy. I guess time will only tell.

Of course, I couldn't let a no-curfew babysitter go to waste (sleepover at Grammy's last night!) so I had to make the most of the evening. Thank god for good friends and good bourbon. My night started a little rocky...a little 'hitch' my giddy-up so to speak. I went out to leave and my car battery was dead. Nice...are freaking kidding me? Luckily this only set me back about a half an hour...Curtis and Kevin to the rescue.

After a quick stop to play a game of poker with friends and get my drink on (52oz of Captain and Coke did the trick), I was off to meet friends downtown. I had never been to the place we were meeting and little did I know I would be right next door to Temptations...Totally Nude. Let me just say walking through the alley to get to the front door of the bar was a tad scary. I got followed by a man that looked like a cross between Ozzy Ozborne and some other 80's rocker. Nice.

At first glance this place didn't look like much fun. Most of the clientele looked like they had been dropped off by the shuttle from the retirement village. Little did I know the 65 year old leisuire suit guy would soon be taking over the mic and we were in for a little Neil, Frank and oh, Garth Brooks (WTH?). Slowly but surely, the old people left (well most of them, I'll get to that in a minute) and it was looking more and more promising.

Which brings to me the most interesting part of the evening that leaves my a little (okay, A LOT) weirded out. These 2 girls (about my age) were sitting near us and had obviously been hitting the bottle all night. One of their Dad's appears to join them for a night out. Not so weird yet. Then they started dancing, err I mean grinding, with strange men while Daddy looked on sippin his gin and juice. Starting to get a little more strange but whatever. About an hour later one the said girls leans over to me and says, "Go flirt with my Dad. I'll buy you a drink....I'll buy you whatever. He just wants to get laid tonight". Okay, this is pretty much where I draw the line. So wrong in so many ways. Luckily the bar filling up and it become easier and easier just to ignore them and there dysfunctional selves.
I continue to have a grand time with my friends and decide it's time to venture to the ladies room. I open the door and what to my eyes should appear? No, not that bad. The 'girl' was sitting on the floor crying. I couldn't ignore her (the bathroom surely wasn't big enough for me just to pretend I didn't see her). I, being the nice (and somewhat hammered) person I am, ask "what's the matter". Oh dear god. She starts going on and on about how much she loves her dad but hates the fact he just wants to screw all her friends all the time and it's really hard on her and blah blah blah blah...get me the hell outta here. I managed to back away from her and get out the door without incident. And thank god, I didn't see her (or her Dad) again.

All in all, it ended up being a great night after a crappy start. Again, thank god for good friends and good bourbon. :)

Flashback Friday!

I almost forgot it was FLASHBACK FRIDAY! Whew!

An oldie but goodie...these 2 pictures were taken the night before I left Kansas City to move to Sacramento. I can almost hear the wonderful rendition of "There are the Days" being sung in this pic (or was it Sister Christian???)...



Featured in the picture above: Lori Galloway Jones, Jennifer Westlake Redburn, Melanie Forsee Bell, Andrew Margolin, Sarah Starr, and Jen Walter Hansen.


One more since I'm in a jolly mood. This on features (from left to right):
Tim Murphy, Joe Fraas, Jon Davis, Beth, Russell, ?,?, Doug Jones, ?, Jennifer Paschall, Matt Silvan, Andy Dinovitz, Lori Jones, CP, Mel Bell, Andrew Margolin, Jen Hansen, Jen Redburn, Darah, Sarah Starr, Eric, Aarin Beckerle.





Awww...

fun times!

Date Details...

So I met the guy for lunch today. In one word...it was fabulous. I have to admit I was a little worried about our age difference, but not so much anymore. He was an absolute sweetheart and a total gentleman. Our lunch lasted about 3 hours and there was NEVER a dull moment...never a lull in the conversation when you start trying to fill it with idol talk. It was really great. We talked about a lot things...fun light hearted stuff and some pretty serious discussions. And, the best part is, we are going out again Friday night. Woo-Hoo for me. :)

So, I have to share this funny tid-bit. I get home and of course I talk to my Mom and tell her how great it was. My mom (being a good mother) is already working on getting him "checked out". We have a great family friend that was in the car business for a long time in KC and knows about everyone. Since "date guy" is also in the car business, she's getting said family friend on the case. I just hope he gets a good rap...don't need to my Mom putting the kibosh on things (I mean really Mom, I am almost 32 and quite capable of judging someones character...well, on second though the last one didn't turn out so well so maybe she does have a point!).

I had a few glasses of wine at lunch and while it sounded like a real novel idea, I went to gym after. Not so novel once you're there and teetering the treadmill. I rethought that plan pretty quickly but somehow managed to eek out a pretty good workout (13 lbs from the goal...go me!). :)

A 3 Part Post...

This WAS going to be a very pleasant post until about an hour ago.

I'll start with the pleasant part: Friday night's postponed date had been rescheduled for lunch on Wednesday. We couldn't wait to meet each other and that was the only time that would work this week. I don't know how I am going to handle the nerves...usually a little bourbon and coke does the trick, but I can possibly start drinking at 11:30am. Any suggestions?

Part 2: Annoyed and irritate:
If you don't want to hear me complain about ex-issues, skip to part 3. This seems to be the best forum for me to vent...that way no one has to actually listen to it and I can still get it out of my head.
So I really thought he had turned over a new leaf. This new 'schedule' he proposed was working okay (although this was only day 2). He was finally over 'hiding the car' and was actually taking her to do some fun things (ie Chuck E Cheese). So tonight I drop her off at Chuck E Cheese at 4pm (he couldn't come get her because she wasn't at school and he "isn't ready to come to my new house". Get over it!). So the dropping off was fine until he asked what time I'd be back to pick her up. I said 7pm or so. His response (drum roll please): "Ugh. What I am going to do with for 3 hours. I can't entertain here for that long." Um, hello. You have a car. You have a car seat. You have a house. And newsflash, there are other places to go beside Chuck E Cheese. I mean really...he had to have been kidding right? Sad thing is, this isn't the first time he's said something like that. I didn't back down and told him I would pick her up from the condo at 7pm. I pick her and apparently they did stay at Chuck E Cheese for 3 hours. And apparently, "CEC" must not be equipped with bathrooms. I got the poor girl home and she was soaking wet. I mean totally completely soaked. She had on jeans and a turtleneck under her coat and I think the only dry part of her clothes were her sleeves. I almost started crying. Lucky for her, she didn't seem to phased by this. I on the other hand, could have died.
One more vent and then I'm done for the day. After I filed he had 3 weeks to get his 'personal belongings' and be out of the house. My lawyer told me to make sure I took anything out before then that had significant meaning to me. I was in such a panic I forgot a few things. One being my baby book and album of all my pictures (mostly professional and school pictures) from age 0-18. The baby book was still in the house but the photo album had disappeared. Right after discovering the missing book, I kindly asked him (and when I say kind, I mean it) to please go through his 'personal things' and see if by chance he mistakenly took it. He agreed and reported back to me that he didn't have it. During the divorce negotiations he started bringing up things from the house he wanted (nothing major, just little items that meant something to him). I told my lawyer about the baby book and how I would also like to have that back (amongst other things of mine he took...pearls, shoes, clothes, etc). The lawyer wasn't as nice asking for the book and it back fired on me. I decided tonight to ask him one more time about the book (again, in the nicest way I could). So I said "can you please check your things and make sure you didn't accidentally take it". He basically told me to f-off. Nice. Really freaking nice. I guess I am suppose to believe it grew legs and walked out of the house by itself. It was one of the first things I went to find after he moved out (I realized after I left I forgot it and I wanted to make sure it was still there). Mind you I had to pack that entire to house to move and it was no where to be found. There is only one place it can be. Looks like I will never see that again. Thanks jackass!

Part 3: Upon arriving home tonight I decided given Layla's soaking wet state, she needed a bath. As usual, she took a bath in my bathroom. I was putting away clothes in the closet (about 3 feet away from her) and all the sudden I hear "Ut-oh". Not a good thing to hear when she's in the bath tub. I turned around and she had done it. I have been waiting for this to happen (not waiting with excitement but rather with dread). I won't (and don't need to) elaborate more than by saying all her bath toys are in a huge tub of bleach water. It was not fun to clean up. Probably the most disgusting thing I have to do to date. :) I will say, I am impressed with myself...I stayed calm, kept the gagging to a minimum and dealt with the issue expeditiously.

Pleasant evening I'm having here.

What a weekend!

Fabulous weekend! Even though the date got cancelled Friday night, I managed to rally and have an unbelievable time with friends. It worked out well..played a little poker Friday night (and won...woo hoo!). Went out and listened to some really good live music and had a little too much whiskey (story of my weekend).

The date will happen though....don't know if I updated the blog with this, but his son fell off a trampoline Friday afternoon and ended up spending the entire weekend in the hospital. Poor guy! But, we got a chance to talk for quite a while tonight and both agreed, we need to meet soon! :) I can't say this enough...he is such a sweetheart! I hope when we do finally meet in person he lives up to be guy I am thinking he is. Cross your fingers for me.

I have also been talking to few other guys. I will be the first to admit, I am not good about dating around. I don't like it. Never have and don't know that I ever will. I find it hard to spread your attention around and it's challenging to give some one 100% of your attention/etc when you know you have 2 other dates lined up later that week. I got good advice though tonight from a friend (thanks Will!). He basically told me to buck up and have fun. What he said made sense. I need to be dating a few people just to get back out there and figure out what I want/don't want/etc. He put it into much better words than I could, but you get the point....I need to let go of my fears and just do it.

Fabulous party last night. I am posting a few party pics (4 out of the 150 or so).

Flashback Friday!

I saw this on another friends blog a while back and after finding all sorts of fun pictures this week from college I though I would start doing "Flashback Friday" right here.

So here goes...keep checking back, your mug might appear on here one day!

The Tree House Girls:

Date tomorrow night!

The date is on for tomorrow night. Now I have to obsess over what to wear...oh the delima. I have officially decided this dating thing is fun. These butterflies are well worth the anguish.

I am pretty impressed so far with this guy. Not only has he called when he say's going to, he sends the sweetest texts. On one hand it does make me a little freaked out (ie "I haven't even met you yet..."), on the other it's completely adorable. I am most impressed with our conversation tonight. He called to confirm tomorrow's rendevue and to find out what I wanted to do. He prefaced this by saying he's not going to make me choose where we go, he just wanted to know what I was up for (dinner, drinks, etc) and then he'd come up with a plan. A guy that can take the reigns and isn't afraid of doing it? I am loving this!

On a completely and totally different note, I've had a breakthrough with F-head, err, Farhad. Most of you don't know the back story so I'll make it brief but fill you in: for the past 3 months or so he's pretended not to have a car (just like he pretended to be homeless all the while living in $600K condo). Give me a flippin break. I know good and well he still has the Escalade (Uh, dumbass, I have seen you driving it on more than one occasion). He's gone to GREAT lengths to try to hide the care (it's quite hysterical actually). So I have to not only drop Layla off to see him, but also pick her up. This wouldn't be so horrible if he spent more than 2 hours with her! It gives me zero time to do anything I need to do. I promised myself that after the D was finalized I wasn't playing nice anymore. I tried really hard to hold true to my word. I just didn't want it to hurt Layla and her time with him. This has nothing to do with Layla...it has everything to do with the principle of it. He's trying to make my life miserable as opposed to trying to spend more time with his daugther. Last Thurs I picked her up and ran into the store right across from his place. I watched him drive off in the Caddy (after he told me 2 hours earlier he couldn't bring her home b/c he didn't have car). Lovely. So we had a little battle (over text of course because talking on the phone would just be way to hard for him) that didn't end so pretty. He went "out of town" for 5 days so I hadn't seen or talked to him since. So....that brings us to today. He text me (of course) to tell me he wanted to change the "schedule" and start picking her up from school every M, W and F. So apparently it worked. Maybe he's come to his senses and realizes trying to make my life hell is only hurting his relationship with his daughter. I am meeting him at her school at 4pm tomorrow to show him "how to check her out". Yeah...she's been going to this school for almost 6 months and he's never been there. Again, lovely. We'll see how this goes tomorrow, but I feel like maybe, just maybe, we've turned a little corner.

One More Song...

It's been a while since I had heard this song: Wasted by Carrie Underwood. The first verse couldn't be anymore real to my life. Lovin it!

Short and sweet, but that's 3 in 3 days! Woo-freakin-hoo!

What's wrong with me?

So back to the complicated dating thing...

I meet this guy...well, kind of meet him...he emailed me the other day (yes, another match.com hook up). He's darling (I mean really darling...6'4, played football in college (but isn't built like a line backer, rather a wide receiver type). His profile sounds like something I could of written. We have so much in common it's scary (truly scary because sometimes that's a bad thing, but in this case I think it might be a good thing). So we email back and forth a few times. I like the fact he doesn't play by the '24 hour rule' (sidenote: I was told by another match.com person that you are 'suppose' to wait 24 hours to respond to emails so you don't sound desperate. What a bunch of BS. I am apparently not a good rule follower. Granted I don't email someone back within seconds, but rather within a reasonable amount of time to keep the conversation going). Anyway, he's flippin adorable. So he emails me today and asks for my number so we he can call. He actually asks permission. Darling. I oblige and tell him not to call until after 8pm because Layla gets all my attention until she goes to bed. Not only does he call when he says he's going to, but he texts first to make sure I'm not busy with Layla. Some may think it's overkill, but to me, he scored points. So he tells me in one of his earlier emails that when we talk I can't make fun of his accent. Whoa, whoa whoa. I thought I was done with accents. I re-read his profile and paid attention to the fact he's from Scotland. Oh yes, he has an adorable, barely traceable Scottish accent. Um. Hello. So cute.

So we talk. Good conversation (I think). He asks me to meet him for cocktails Friday night (baring he doesn't have his son). I say yes (so long as I can find a babysitter). So there we are. And here I sit asking myself, "What is wrong with this one?". Better yet, what is freakin wrong with me. I automatically assume because the man is sweet as can be, so polite and nice that something must be wrong with him. I am not one to be attracted to bad boys. I hate guys that play these little games. And here is this fine (did I mention he was cute) man that is obviously very sincere, nice and a total gentleman and I automatically think something must be wrong with him. Someone get over here and hit me upside the head with this empty bottle of wine (it was yummy wine by the way).

A total random sidenote...I am officially addicted to using the 3 dots (see, there I went again). I have been told I write like I think. And I do. For future reference, the 3 little dots are me pausing in my head. Since I write like I think, you'll have to learn to read like I talk.

Music and my life

2 posts in 2 days! Are you proud or what???

If you know me well, you know I am not musically inclined. Seriously, the music gene missed me by a mile. But, I find music completely inspires me. I love it. I can't get enough of it. I seem to find songs that define my life in it's present state. This has always been true, although in the past few months it seems to be even more prevelant. There are a few songs in past few months that have found me and grabbed onto to me. They put into words and lyrics all the emotions I am feeling in such a perfect way. So perfect that I thought I would share them with you. My lovely friends and family seem to ask more now than ever, "how are you?". I don't mind them asking...I appreciate it. But they can't seem to fathom that after all I have been through I can really be as happy on the inside as I appear to be on the outside. I have news for you all...I am happier than I have been in a long time. Seriously. I am not angry, I am not bitter, I have ZERO regrets. I am HAPPY! So there.

Now, onto my music I can't get enough of. I am sharing these because I think they are a small window into my head (not that anyone needs a small window into my head...the view might be scary).

1) Already Gone...Sugarland. This song tops the list. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it now and you'll completely see the correlation. http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sugarland-lyrics/already-gone-lyrics.html

2)Dream Big...Ryan Shupe. I have never heard another song of his, but I love this one. I don't know where I got it, but it made it's way to my i-tunes collection. Here are the lyrics: http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/shupe-ryan/dream-big-15994.html

3) Stand...Rascal Flatts. Read the lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/stand-lyrics-rascal-flatts.html

4) Cheater Cheater...Joey and Rory. This song is just fun. It makes me smile. I am not linking to the lyrics because you really have to hear the song, not just read the lyrics.

5) Irreplaceable...Beyonce. An oldie but goodie. So many lines in that song that are so true!

You guessed it. 4 of my top 5 songs are country. Did you expect anything less from me???

This was really a pointless post and if you got through, congratulations.

Here goes...again!

After my many failed attempts at keeping up a blog I am trying again. Life's been a little crazy the last few months and while I am always thinking "that would be a good thing to 'blog' about" it never seems to get out of my head and onto a computer. But, I finally have my wireless internet back (why that makes a difference I don't know...but just go with it). A few random thoughts for my first (or 10th 'first') entry:

Dating...what the hell was I thinking? My life was cruising along just fine without having to complicate it with dating. It's been a while: 7 years, 6 months and few days if you're counting (not that I am). I forgot everything I loved and hated about dating. I have to admit...it is fun. Fun because it's been a while. Fun to feel those butterflies again and get excited about something other than Layla saying a new word. But seriously...it's complicated. Probably more so now because I have a little girl (that's an entirely different topic though: dating with toddlers...yikes!). All these dumb rules (who came up with these anyway). Figuring out what to say and how to say it so I don't come off sounding like a complete rookie at this. And this internet thing. The last time I was 'dating', internet dating still carried a bad stigma and I honestly didn't take part back then. I have to admit, the match.com thing is pretty entertaining. I tried eharmony last week and when they were sending me matches from Arkansas, Alabama and Canada (last time I checked, Canada was not within 60 miles of Kansas City), I decided to ask for a refund (still pending by the way). I guess I'll have to dust off my little patience hat. Patience and I have never really gotten along too well.

My new favorite time of day: I always get those stupid emails that ask you to answer 50 questions about yourself and send it out to your friends. Unless I am in a state of complete boredom, I never do it. But I do read them. They always seem to have a question about your favorite time of day. Tonight I was laying on the floor in Layla's bedroom watching her play (give me a break...I was exhausted and she wasn't). She hit her 'wall' and I figured it out: my favorite time of day...the few precious minutes every night just when she runs out of energy and right before she goes to bed. The moment where she crawls onto my lap (or like tonight, lays on the floor next to me) and just stares at me. She actually cuddles (and if you've ever been around this girl, she not a cuddler. She's a ball of energy). It's precious and priceless and reminds me of what a gift it is to be a Mom. It's just put everything into a perspective for me...each and every night!



It was 9 years ago exactly...to the day...I moved to California. So weird! To all my friends in Sacramento...love you, but you really need to chill about 'how freezing it is here'. Give me a freakin break...what is it...40 degrees???