Freak of the Week

This one is classic. Um...is that a ring on your finger??? If so, sign me up...that's exactly what I'm looking for.



How tall do you think this dude is? He barely clears the small sedan he's standing in front? He must of missed the part of my profile that says in 5'10 (and would prefer to date men that clear my belly button). The best part of his email was that his pictures are "very current" and he's "tired of being alone". This is just a wild guess...but it would appear you aren't alone buddy. Next.

As for the date last night...didn't happen. He ended up staying in Florida for the weekend since he has to be there Mon and Tues for meetings. It'll just have to wait. :) I did manage to go out (can't let a good babysitter go to waste...esp since it was a sleepover at Aunt JuJu's). My friends C and I ended up at Paddy O'Quigleys at one point in the night. We did get hit on by 23 year olds. They thought we were 26...have another drink buddy! And tried for 10 minutes to convince us to go for younger guys. Yes...that's exactly what I need...a 23 year old 'frat boy'. They had a good excuse for being so 'smart'..they had just graduated from K-State.

I'm giving in...

My semi-retirement from dating is about to end. I'm giving in. After all, I have plans. I have 'things' I want to do in this little life of mine and sharing it with someone would be a hell of a lot more fun. The current plan of sitting on the sidelines and just being single has been fun, but it's probably not feasible for the long term. I've come to realize Mr. Forever is probably not just going to knock on my door (although there was a really cute UPS guy that delivered a package the other day. And he did linger a little longer than they usually do making small talk, so maybe it could happen). And while I'm not looking for an instant relationship, I'm definitely ready to start having fun with the dating world again.

Even my Mom is pushing. Last weekend while at the lake I went and met from friends at a restaurant/bar one afternoon. Since everyone else was bringing their kids, I opted to take my little monkey. I figured she'd had fun playing in the sand and splashing in the water. When I got back, my Mom asked if I had met anyone 'interesting'. I hate to break it to her, but having a 2 year old on my hip does not exactly make men flock.

So that brings me back to the date. I'm meeting this guy for drinks and dinner Saturday night. I have actually met him very briefly before so technically it's not a blind date (and technically I'm not breaking the "no blind dates that involve a weekend night and/or dinner" rule). He is a friend of an acquaintance I saw out a few weeks ago. I was out with girlfriends and was walking out the door when I saw said acquaintance. The tall guy with him definitely caught my eye. We talked for a few minutes then I left (again, didn't break the giving my phone number to random guys in a bar rule either). A few days later I got an email from him (resourceful little guy!). We've had some great conversations over the past few weeks and are both finally in town and can get together (he's in the process of moving here from Florida). So that brings me to a HUGE problem. I vaguely remember what he looks like and not sure I could pick him out of a crowd. I do know he was really tall (that's a definitely a good start), had blond hair, somewhat tan, average body...yeah, this describes about 1/3 of the men out there). This presents a little problem with said date. I could let him pick me up that would a breaking a huge 'rule' of mine. I don't want him to know where I live until I get to know him better so that option is out. I did attempt to find him on Facebook and was successful. You'd think I would be able to find a picture there, but no. His profile pic is a group shot and you can't really make anything out from the small thumbnail pic. I could always 'friend' him on Facebook so I could get a closer look at the pictures, but again, that would be breaking yet another 'rule'. Being a friend on Facebook would mean he'd have access to amongst other things, this blog. I don't need a potential date reading this... and do you really think they would enjoy me making fun of them for wearing a mock turtleneck? I have already blurred that line somewhat but don't think it's neccesary with him. So I guess the only other option is to get there early and let him find me (or I could request he hold up a wipe board with his name on it like they do in the airport...but I don't think that would go over to well).

So we'll see how this goes. The expectations are low (that doesn't mean the standards have been lowered). All in all, he seems like a nice guy. He intrigues me. He's a 6'4 white guy that Latin dances (apparently pretty well too) and he plays golf. This could be interesting.

"Are you die-vorc-ed Miss Christian"

I've been discovered in the neighborhood! After Layla and I got home last night we were running 'races' in the front yard when I heard the screech of bike tires in my driveway. 2 little girls run over and about tackle Layla. They were sweet little girls who just wanted a 'baby' to play with. They kindly asked if they could take Layla in the backyard to play on the swing set. Of course I obliged. All the sudden I hear the 6 year old yell down the street, "Come on guys. We can play in this backyard". It was then and only then I realized just how many kids were on my street. Within 23 seconds I had about 16 kids in my backyard that ranged in age from 2-10. I was told I have the best backyard ever and the best trees to climb. Great! So you can fall out of the tree and break your arm in my yard. Wonderful.

It was then the 6 year old female Dennis the Menace started the game of 21 questions. It went something like this:

"Where were you tonight?"...I worked then I picked up Layla from her Dad.
"Oh. Does she go there a lot?"....Kind of.
"Does he have a swing set for her?"...um, not exactly.
"Well he should. She really likes to swing." Would you like to tell him next time he drops her off?
"What kind of car does he drive?"...a big black SUV.
"Oh yes...I've seen that one. It's really fancy."...yes. I know. What I wanted to say was it used to be mine but you see I traded it for my entire 401K in the divorce. Worked out pretty well.
"Does your husband have a mohawk"...um, no. Not that I'm aware of.
"Have you ever seen him?"...Unfortunately, yes.
"Miss Christian, are you die-vorc-edd?". Yes dear. I am.
"Who's that other guy that's here a lot in the white car?"...that would be my Dad.
"Are you going to marry him?". WTF?

Luckily that conversation ended but the next thing I knew she was over my deck with her face plastered to my windows. "Hey. Layla has a kitchen. And a tunnel. And a horse". Um...What are we doing here? Taking inventory?

Here's a story that proves the apple does not fall from the tree. Since Easter, Layla had woken up every morning and asked in the sweetest voice, "Is it Easter Bunny day today?". Every day I told her no. It took Cinco de Mayo to distract her. I picked her up at school that night and took her to our office party. On the way there I told her we were going to a 'party'. Apparently she had quite the large time. Instead of asking for the Easter Bunny she now asks everyday if we are going to party? At 2? I'm in trouble.

What a year!

Exactly one year ago today. In a way it feels like last week. In others, it feels like a lifetime ago. In the beginning, I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it's all a dream...I'd pat the bed next to me and realize it's real. I did it. I can honestly say a year later...it was so worth it! The lyrics of this song describe perfectly my thought process 365 days ago:


Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

A year ago I was incredibly scared about what the future would hold for Layla and I. I didn't know where we'd be living the next week, the next month or the next year. I didn't know what he would do, to us or to himself. I remember vividly the one and really only time I broke down in tears. It was a few days after the papers were served and he was demanding to see Layla which I knew I couldn't stop or deny him of that right. We all knew his mental state wasn't the best so both my Dad and Stepdad decided it would be best for them to both go drop her off. I remember standing in the driveway and watching them drive away with her. It wasn't as though I hadn't thought long and hard about the impact my decision would have on her life, but in that moment, it became real.

I can only look back and smile and marvel in the wonderful and blessed ways my life has changed. I have learned just how much strength and resilience I have inside. I have learned just how incredibly important my friends, family, and God are, and also, how much they love both Layla and I. I have found myself again (that sounds so corny for me, but it's so true. I had lost so much of myself in that marriage. As my friends tell me all the time, "CP is back"!). I have also learned how the material things in life just don't matter that much.

Again, another song that speaks these words better than I could:

And its funny how it’s the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There’s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I’ve come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise you glasses for a toast


My life today is far better than it's ever been. Yes, there have been struggles in the past year. There are days were I don't get to sit down until 9:30pm and wonder if it'll always be this crazy and exhausting. Even when I am completely exhausted and can't seem to find the energy to do the little things, I can't help but smile.

The future will unfold, one day at a time. I don't know what it'll bring, but one thing is for sure, I am sure as hell gonna enjoy the ride.

Apparently....I'm no longer 25.

Saturday night was the Kenny concert. I'll say now...I love that dude. I don't care that he does not meet the 6'2 height requirement I've enacted (speaking of which...I just had a random thought. I need one of those height thingys they have at amusement parks..."must be X tall to ride this ride". Okay maybe not. Get your f-ing mind out of the gutter). I don't care that my friend Lowel is convinced he's gay. I love him: I love his music. I love his attitude. And yes, his tractor is damn sexy. Back on track here...so I went to the concert with my brother and 2 of his friends. All 25 year old single men. In theory, it was going to fun night. I have after all honed my ability to drink quite a bit, not make a complete fool of myself and not be hungover the next day (tired...yes! Hungover...no!). We had to planned to make a total night of it so I was prepared. I could certainly keep up with their drinking, but could not keep up with their ADD hormones. They insisted we go to PBR after the concert. That was fun for 20 minutes. I ran into a good friend (who is my age) and her crew. She knew I was drunk. I knew she was drunk. We convinced each other riding the bull would be a good idea. Not so much. I'm apparently not 25 and I have a bruise the size of Vermont on my left shin to prove it (although I did stay on for quite a while...mostly because I knew falling off would hurt worse than any muscle soreness from hanging on for dear life). My friends had to smarts to get out of that bar and go elsewhere. I on the other hand had a few 25 year olds that had found 'dates'.

The bar slowly but surely turned into a 25 year old 'fest' of sorts. I realized a long time ago that while it's fun to find someone at a bar to flirt with/dance with/etc., it's just not my thing anymore. Again....I'm not 25. At one point I walk over to my brother not realizing he was standing behind this roped off area. He was just standing in this group of people looking like a fool. I asked what the hell he was doing and he told me he had "snuck" into the VIP area and Miranda Lambert was on the couch 7 feet from him. Are you kidding me? First off all, the VIP area was a 10x5 corner roped off with nylon ropes that looked like ones you use to tie down a recliner to the bed of your pick up. Again, a thrill if you're 25...but as previously mentioned, I am not 25.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Being 25 was great. I enjoyed the hell out of it. But being 32 (in my opinion) is much better. Yes, the hangovers hurt more (but if you've been able to perfect your drinking skills like I have, you rarely get them!). Yes...going out and getting 'crazy' just doesn't have the same meaning. I have much more fun going to someplace a little more mellow and sitting on the patio having drinks. Old? No! Mature? Yes. And waking up in some random persons hotel room...completely overrated. (I should probably clarify this last statement...I did not wake up in a random hotel room...that would be one of the 25 year olds I was with).

So apparently I am not 25 and apparently, I like it just fine! :)

Freak of the Week

I couldn't resist yet another freak of the week post.

This one sent me an email yesterday. The email went something like this (ok, exactly like this):
"I got to say that you are adorable as you are wholesome a rare gem on here if I may speak bluntly. I would love to have the chance to visit more with you...p.s. My name is Billy"

And here are the 2 pictures he has on his profile:



And the second picture: Really dude???



What can I say. Not exactly my 'type'.

This one is just plain hysterical. I know this dude is totally joking so I had to copy his entire profile because it's pretty damn entertaining. The funny thing is, I ran into him while out for a happy hour last week (he had some normal pictures too so I recognized him). He was just as creepy in person as he was online.
Here's his profile text:



HI! Mom says that I am a great catch. I am still living with mom. She lets me stay out on dates until eight o'clock at night if my room is clean. I plan to move out of the house soon into a utility shed in the back yard. I am currently fixing up the shed as my "bachelor pad". I am currently unemployed. My last job was being a greeter at a local store. I am a sharp dresser. I like to wear polyester leisure suits. I have my eye on a bright green leisure suit that is for sale at a thrift store. I have been saving my money for the last six months to buy it. It is five dollars. I usually have one date per year.My last date only lasted about two minutes. I wonder why. My friend calls me" Mr. Excitement" . He calls me that because I have had three dates my entire life. I know by now you are probably very impressed with me. I hope to hear from you soon.

And the picture to go with it:


Now that looks like a fine young man!

The Twilight Zone

I feel like I've been living in the twilight zone for the past few days.
Some really weird shit has happened (not bad stuff, just out of the ordinary).

1) I have a horrible cold. Instead of just fighting through it like I usually do, I went to the Dr yesterday morning. She went ahead and put me on antibiotics and told me it might be strep or tonsillitis, but for sure it wasn't just the common cold. Great. Luckily I am feeling much better today! Since I felt like crap yesterday, I didn't do much for Cinco de Mayo. Our office did have a little party so after I picked Layla up from school, I went over there for a few minutes. This is where things go a little weird. First of all, I show up and Mom had already taken a few tequila shots. Mind you, my Mom doesn't drink a whole lot. It was a little strange that my Mom had more to drink at this party than I did. That's just not right.

3)I bring Layla home (which she wasn't excited about it...she was having a ball at the 'party' and this morning when she got up she asked if we could go back to the party). We are playing and reading when all the sudden she breaks out in Spanish. WTH? I knew she could kind of count to 10 if I helped her, but seriously? It was a little freaky she chose Cinco de Mayo to start breaking out in tongues.

4) My family has convinced me I need to be a little more rigid with F head and our dropping off/picking up deal. For the past several months, he picks Layla up at school on M,W and F then I pick her up from him at 7pm. Everyone thinks it's crap that I have to go get her and he can't drop her off at home (he claims, "it's too hard"). So Monday I decide to try this. I sent him a text at 5:39p asking him to please drop her off at my house. My Dad was over here fixing something (well, more like seeing what was for dinner) and I said to him at 6:50p that I would fall out of my chair if F-head just showed up without putting up a fight. 2 minutes later, I hear the roar of his car and his horn blaring. I was beside myself. He actually did it!!!! Of course not without complaints that he was going to be late for something, but none the less, he did it!

Best Hug Ever!

If you're looking for an update on dating, you can stop reading now. Nothing new in that department. :) Have you told you lately how much I am having just being single and hanging out? I love it. It suits me right now!

That said, I had a pretty great weekend. Most of it was spent with family. The best part of it was last night...the little monkey and I had a 'girls night'. I was incredibly exhausted as I had spent almost 5 hours mowing both my yard and my parents. My step dad is out of town taking care of Ben in Dallas (he had surgery Thurs morning...long story). My Mom said something on Friday about needing to mow the yard. I told her there was no way in hell I was letting her mow the yard. It's probably been 30 years since she's mowed and their yard isn't exactly small. So, being the wonderful, angelic daughter I am (he he he), I mowed went over the mowed it. So last night I was pretty darn tired...but that didn't keep me from having an amazing night with Layla. That child is hysterical. After we went outside and swung, chased/raced the dog around the yard, went down the slide 42 times, learned how to climb up the slide twice(and fall off the side doing so), we came in for a MUCH needed bath. We made a pit stop on my bed so I could coax her out of her clothes. That turned into a 2 hour playdate. We played 'jumpy jumpy', made a pile of pillows for her to climb on and jump off (it's rather embarrassing the amount of pillows on my bed, suffice to say, it's enough to look like a small mountain to her). She buried me in pillows. I buried her in pil-pohs. We made a fort under the blankets, perfected our somersaults (and somersaulted right off the bed that's approx 3.5 feet in the air..wasn't pretty but luckily she landed on a few stray pil-pohs). She made up a new game. She told me to close my eyes (which she has never done before). Proceeded to climb up the mountain of pillows and jump off landing my stomach. Didn't feel so great but it was funny as hell. Needless to say, I never knew how much fun we could have playing on my bed. It's made me realize...we really need a trampoline. 2 more years and I'm buying one. I've wanted one since I was 8 so really it'll be for me, but I guess I'll let her play on it too! :)

This morning when she woke up she wouldn't let me pick her up until she gave me a hug and kiss. It was best damn hug and kiss EVER. I love that girl!