I'm bad!

I'm bad...really really bad. I just realized my last update was almost a month ago?!?!?! This month has literally flown by. Mostly due to the insanity w/ work. In the span of 2 weeks I negotiated and wrote more volume than I have all year. Needless to say, it was nuts. Lots of 14 hour days. Not a lot of sleep. And of course my 'spare time' to blog was at a minimum! I'm done giving you excuses. Here's an update of sorts...

Things w/ BK in Manahattan are going great, although I'm not so sure I am truly cut out for the whole long distance deal. The good news is, it forces me to take things slow (something I'm not exactly famous for). The more I see him, the more I like him. Which in turns means the more I want to see him. It sucks that he's almost 2 hours away and seeing him takes so much planning. I have no doubt that if things progress he might just wind up in KC. We'll see, but for now I'll have to 'learn' to do the long distance thing and not be such a wuss about it.

2 weeks ago I went down the Manhattan for a fun tournament in Leonardville (a huge metropolis about 20 mins north of Manhattan). I got to see yet another small town in Kansas. It was a blast! We had a great time, I met some wonderful people. It was the first time I was actually able to go down on a Fri night and not come back until Sunday. That Friday night was the first time EVER F-head kept the lil' monkey overnight. I was a nervous wreck but it went really, really well. She came back clean: dry diaper, clean clothes, and hair somewhat brushed. Amazing! Anyone wanna take bets on how long it'll be before that happens again? I decided to try my luck and asked him he wanted to do another sleeepover this Friday. Silly me...I forgot it's Ramadan and that means he has to be in prayers all night. Whatever you lying, cheating, ass of a person.

Last weekend was pretty low-key. BK decided to stay in Manhattan and relax. I was a little disappointed I didn't get see him, but it honestly worked out well. I got the spend the entire weekend with Layla which was a blast. 2 and half is an awesome age although we've hit the 'whiny' phase. Good lord! If that girl doesn't get her way it gets pretty ugly (kind of reminds me of someone but I'm not going to mention names). He's going to come up this weekend which I am really looking forward to. Although Friday night I could be casting the latest sequel to "Meet the Fockers"....he's going to be meeting my Dad. The good news is, they have already established a shit talking line of communication via text (strange but true). It won't hurt that my Dad will be coming off the golf course which means he'll have had several 'silver bullets'. Should be a good time but I'm sure I'll be slighlty nervous. Although I shouldn't be...I know they are going to get along just fine.

That about brings you up to speep. Unfortunately I am long past stories of blue crocs (I told BK that one and he still gives me shit on a consistent basis). Life is great right now, although flying by so fast I can hardly keep up.

A Shitty Night

Literally...

This week work has come to a head. I knew it would be a crazy week going in, but 12-14 hour days were not on my radar. I am so not complaining, just saying...it's been a little trying. It's days/weeks like this were you feel the 'single parent' pain. Typically I get an hour or 2 during the day to myself to do things around the house, run errands, workout, etc. Not so much this week. It's been at least 9:30 every night before I've been able to collapse on the couch and have a little "me time". Which brings me to shitty night...

So last night I finished showing houses at 6:50. Ran by my parents to pick up a file I needed for a meeting this morning, picked up Layla at 7:08 (to be exact) and she ws completely filthy. It's be expected as she usually isn't the cleanest after being with F-head. I get her home and decide it'd be best to head straight to the bath. I get her in the bath (after playing ring around the rosey until we were dizzy on my bed). While she was taking a bath I decided to sort and put away the moutain of laundry awaiting. In the meantime I hear the down whining downstairs. She obviously needs to go out but because of surgery last week she has to be leashed. I can't very well leave Layla in the tub and go take her out. Sasha will have to wait. All the sudden I hear the dreaded, "I pooped". It's been a long time since she's done that and she had to pick last night! I get her out of the tub and decide the quickest way to get her bathed would be just to put her in the shower with me. So I get her cleaned up and dressed. Get the tub cleaned up. Gather her toys to bleach, get her in bed and head downstairs. I got halfway down the stairs when I noticed an unusual smell. It didn't take long to figure out what it was. Not only had I just just cleaned up Layla's poop, I would now be cleaning up Sasha's poop, Ya think she could have taken 2 steps to the right and done it on the hardwood floors? Hell no. Right on a runner. I got her contained to her kennel so she wouldn't step in (in the meantime I stepped in it, with bare feet of course). Get my feet scrubbed. Clean up the poop. Drap the rug outside and start hosing it down. I'm pretty sure it's ruined. Shitty night....I'd say so!

And yes, I was that Mom this morning. I dropped my child off at daycare with her pajamas on. It wasn't worth the battle this morning and I was late for a meeting. At least they were cute pajamas. :)

Good Times!

I've been slacking...I know. It's been slightly crazy around here the last few weeks. Not only is work insane (trust me, I'm not complaining...3 closings this week alone and 2 new listings on the market...no complaints here!), Sasha (the pup) had to have surgery last week on her knee. She tore a ligament about 2 months ago and I finally bit the bullett and took to her Manhattan (imagine that!) to have surgery. The surgery went well (cost a fortune)but recovery has been a bitch. She is supposed to be contained to a kennel for 6-8 weeks. Problem is, she doesn't exactly fit in the kennel right now because she has one of those huge cones on her head. It's great fun. Not to mention Layla doesn't quite understand that she has to be gentle with her. She likes the cone and tries to pull Sasha around by it. Keeping them seperated has been challenging to say the least!

Enough about that...I know you didn't come here to read about the dog...you want the good stuff! There's lots of it. The last time I 'blogged' I had gone to Salina to see Manhattan guy (known from now on as "BK". Manhattan sucks to type). I did get to see him 2 weekends ago very briefly as I spent the night on Sunday in Manhattan with the dog. I didn't get there until after 10pm and he had to leave for work early. Nonetheless, it was good to see him. I went back down there Wednesday night (had to pick up the dog early Thurs) and got to spend a little more time with him. It was pretty damn fun (as always). I will say, he's a total bachelor. His friends had warned me about his house and the fact I might need a tetnus shot before entering. He used to live there with 5 guys and they are now down to 2...him and a really creepy dude that apparently doesn't talk. It's an old house and with a good bleach scrub down would be pretty cool. According to BK the mess isn't his (I'm tempted to believe him). He's moving this week and tells me I'll just have to wait and see how clean he really is b/c he refuses to clean up after his roomate. Likely story but I'm hopeful!

So last weekend he was playing in a really fun tournament in Wilson, Kansas (10 bucks to anyone who has actually been there). Once again it was a tiny little town and the only directions I got to the ball fields was to pull into town and look for the lights. Worked like a charm! That and the fact I almost ran into a golf cart pulling a train of 'cars' (which were actually huge water barrels on wheels with holes cut to provide seats) with a bunch of kids in it. I followed that and it took me straight to the field. There were a few girls there that I had met in Salina a few weeks before...their boyfriends/etc play on the team. I think we are officially dating. Yes...you heard that right. I got introduced as his girlfriend. And then, on 2 seperate occasions a few of the girls told me how much he likes me, talks about me all the time and wishes we could see each other more. Pretty. Damn. Cool. One of them said that she told him he better not screw this up because she really likes me. Everytime I see him I like him more. I feel like I'm being somewhat guarded but everything feels pretty good with him so far.

This weekend I think he might finally be coming to KC. I can't wait. He told me last weekend he felt bad that I was doing so much driving. I certainly wouldn't be doing it if I didn't want to...right now, it's so worth it!

Here's the deal....

Okay...so you know that I have taken ALL blog links off FB for the time being. Here's the reason... I broke the "no 'friending' guys I want to date" rule. It took almost 2 hours to go back in FB history to delete all references to the blog. I just don't really think someone I've just started dating needs to read this. In addition, I deleted about the last months worth of entries just to be safe. So here we go...rewind and update on this guy that was worth 2 hrs of facebook clean up:

It's Mr. Manhattan. As you know, I went down to the middle of nowhere Kansas 2 weeks ago to meet him for the first time and we had an absolute blast. Last weekend he was going to come here but (due to lack of things going on here) we ended up meeting in Salina (oh so romantic I know!). A bunch of his friends were getting together there and it sounded like a lot of fun. Once again, it was. I love being around him. And his friends a freakin' hystertical. I have never laughed so hard in my laugh...I was actually crying. It is rather amusing though because he thinks meeting someone online is insane (of course I could careless) so he's told all his friends we've met through mutual friends. They started asking more questions Sat night and it was pretty funny.

Like I said, I love spending time with him. We've been 'talking' for over a month now and it just keeps getting better. He has a lot of qualities I am looking for (and some I wasn't but still like!). We are just different enough to keep things interesting, but similar in ways that work. So I guess we are dating now. I've ceased communication for all the other freaks (not hard to do!). I'm taking it pretty slow this time which is easy since he lives 2 hrs away. That's good and bad I suppose.

Speaking of other freaks...remember talked dude? He went a little psycho on me. I knew after the first time we met and he knew more about me than made me comfortable (via his cyber stalking) that he had it in him. He found my office phone #, home # and of course he had my cell. When I didn't return his phone calls, he'd call all 3 with a blocked number. I rarely answered because I figured out pretty quick who it was. He called my house with a blocked id and then immediately called my cell # and forgot to block his number. Duh! So while driving to meet Mr. Manhattan (who's name is Brian), I got about 4 calls from him. Sat night I got another 3. I finally sent him an email Monday to tell him 'thanks, but no thanks". Magically all the calls have stopped! Woo Hoo!

Complete stupidity!

Yes...another F-head stupidity moment. So last week I asked if he could help me out the last weekend in June because we have girls weekend at the lake, my family is going to the lake for a wedding and there no family available to help me. Besides, he's her dad...he should be able to take her for a weekend. Uh, right. So he immediately came up with every excuse in the book and finally ended on the fact he had 2 big races that weekend and he was going to be flying all over the place. One was in Michigan and one was in Detroit (I'm not even going to comment on how completely idiotic that statement was). I told him it was quite obvious where his priorities lie and it was honestly quite sad. And mind you, we had a conversation about 3 weeks ago and he told me how he would like to see her more and thinks he'll cut back on his running schedule so he can. He's apparently getting right on that.

So this Saturday I have to work pretty much all day (listing appt in the morning and showing/writing an offer in the afternoon). I asked him yesterday if he'd be available to help me. He said he had a race (surprise surprise). But followed it up with the fact he might have a stress fracture in his ankle and if he can't run he'd have to go the emergency room. What??? Maybe I'm the stupid one but I dont get this. He has to wait until the race Sat morning to decide whether or not he needs to go to the emergency room??? It's Wednesday. Go to an f-ing dr you moron and get it looked at now. Once again, he's just trying to be the difficult bastard that he is.

On a brighter note, I have date. I have a date. Not until next week but this is a good one. More details later.

Awkward!

The phone rang...before I could think I answered it. As soon as I did I knew exactly what was going on. I was about to be put in a really awkward situation. There is guy that lives in my old neighbhorhood who happens to be single. Last summer I was told everyone was trying to set us up. I kindly spread the word that I wasn't really interested. I thought it had. We see each other frequently and it's been nothing but platonic. He's a great guy...I mean a REALLY great guy. Unfortunately I don't have that physical attraction to him that is so greatly needed. When you know you know. It isn't going to work (plus our age difference doesn't really excited me).

So back to the phone call...I started pretty simple although I knew right away where it was headed. Here's my problem...I don't know how to graciously say no without making things awkward between us. We see each other often and I really don't want things to be weird. I also don't want to agree to go to lunch with him (which is what he ended up asking) and lead him on. Any advice on how be gracious about this?

Freak of the Week

This one is classic. Um...is that a ring on your finger??? If so, sign me up...that's exactly what I'm looking for.



How tall do you think this dude is? He barely clears the small sedan he's standing in front? He must of missed the part of my profile that says in 5'10 (and would prefer to date men that clear my belly button). The best part of his email was that his pictures are "very current" and he's "tired of being alone". This is just a wild guess...but it would appear you aren't alone buddy. Next.

As for the date last night...didn't happen. He ended up staying in Florida for the weekend since he has to be there Mon and Tues for meetings. It'll just have to wait. :) I did manage to go out (can't let a good babysitter go to waste...esp since it was a sleepover at Aunt JuJu's). My friends C and I ended up at Paddy O'Quigleys at one point in the night. We did get hit on by 23 year olds. They thought we were 26...have another drink buddy! And tried for 10 minutes to convince us to go for younger guys. Yes...that's exactly what I need...a 23 year old 'frat boy'. They had a good excuse for being so 'smart'..they had just graduated from K-State.

I'm giving in...

My semi-retirement from dating is about to end. I'm giving in. After all, I have plans. I have 'things' I want to do in this little life of mine and sharing it with someone would be a hell of a lot more fun. The current plan of sitting on the sidelines and just being single has been fun, but it's probably not feasible for the long term. I've come to realize Mr. Forever is probably not just going to knock on my door (although there was a really cute UPS guy that delivered a package the other day. And he did linger a little longer than they usually do making small talk, so maybe it could happen). And while I'm not looking for an instant relationship, I'm definitely ready to start having fun with the dating world again.

Even my Mom is pushing. Last weekend while at the lake I went and met from friends at a restaurant/bar one afternoon. Since everyone else was bringing their kids, I opted to take my little monkey. I figured she'd had fun playing in the sand and splashing in the water. When I got back, my Mom asked if I had met anyone 'interesting'. I hate to break it to her, but having a 2 year old on my hip does not exactly make men flock.

So that brings me back to the date. I'm meeting this guy for drinks and dinner Saturday night. I have actually met him very briefly before so technically it's not a blind date (and technically I'm not breaking the "no blind dates that involve a weekend night and/or dinner" rule). He is a friend of an acquaintance I saw out a few weeks ago. I was out with girlfriends and was walking out the door when I saw said acquaintance. The tall guy with him definitely caught my eye. We talked for a few minutes then I left (again, didn't break the giving my phone number to random guys in a bar rule either). A few days later I got an email from him (resourceful little guy!). We've had some great conversations over the past few weeks and are both finally in town and can get together (he's in the process of moving here from Florida). So that brings me to a HUGE problem. I vaguely remember what he looks like and not sure I could pick him out of a crowd. I do know he was really tall (that's a definitely a good start), had blond hair, somewhat tan, average body...yeah, this describes about 1/3 of the men out there). This presents a little problem with said date. I could let him pick me up that would a breaking a huge 'rule' of mine. I don't want him to know where I live until I get to know him better so that option is out. I did attempt to find him on Facebook and was successful. You'd think I would be able to find a picture there, but no. His profile pic is a group shot and you can't really make anything out from the small thumbnail pic. I could always 'friend' him on Facebook so I could get a closer look at the pictures, but again, that would be breaking yet another 'rule'. Being a friend on Facebook would mean he'd have access to amongst other things, this blog. I don't need a potential date reading this... and do you really think they would enjoy me making fun of them for wearing a mock turtleneck? I have already blurred that line somewhat but don't think it's neccesary with him. So I guess the only other option is to get there early and let him find me (or I could request he hold up a wipe board with his name on it like they do in the airport...but I don't think that would go over to well).

So we'll see how this goes. The expectations are low (that doesn't mean the standards have been lowered). All in all, he seems like a nice guy. He intrigues me. He's a 6'4 white guy that Latin dances (apparently pretty well too) and he plays golf. This could be interesting.

"Are you die-vorc-ed Miss Christian"

I've been discovered in the neighborhood! After Layla and I got home last night we were running 'races' in the front yard when I heard the screech of bike tires in my driveway. 2 little girls run over and about tackle Layla. They were sweet little girls who just wanted a 'baby' to play with. They kindly asked if they could take Layla in the backyard to play on the swing set. Of course I obliged. All the sudden I hear the 6 year old yell down the street, "Come on guys. We can play in this backyard". It was then and only then I realized just how many kids were on my street. Within 23 seconds I had about 16 kids in my backyard that ranged in age from 2-10. I was told I have the best backyard ever and the best trees to climb. Great! So you can fall out of the tree and break your arm in my yard. Wonderful.

It was then the 6 year old female Dennis the Menace started the game of 21 questions. It went something like this:

"Where were you tonight?"...I worked then I picked up Layla from her Dad.
"Oh. Does she go there a lot?"....Kind of.
"Does he have a swing set for her?"...um, not exactly.
"Well he should. She really likes to swing." Would you like to tell him next time he drops her off?
"What kind of car does he drive?"...a big black SUV.
"Oh yes...I've seen that one. It's really fancy."...yes. I know. What I wanted to say was it used to be mine but you see I traded it for my entire 401K in the divorce. Worked out pretty well.
"Does your husband have a mohawk"...um, no. Not that I'm aware of.
"Have you ever seen him?"...Unfortunately, yes.
"Miss Christian, are you die-vorc-edd?". Yes dear. I am.
"Who's that other guy that's here a lot in the white car?"...that would be my Dad.
"Are you going to marry him?". WTF?

Luckily that conversation ended but the next thing I knew she was over my deck with her face plastered to my windows. "Hey. Layla has a kitchen. And a tunnel. And a horse". Um...What are we doing here? Taking inventory?

Here's a story that proves the apple does not fall from the tree. Since Easter, Layla had woken up every morning and asked in the sweetest voice, "Is it Easter Bunny day today?". Every day I told her no. It took Cinco de Mayo to distract her. I picked her up at school that night and took her to our office party. On the way there I told her we were going to a 'party'. Apparently she had quite the large time. Instead of asking for the Easter Bunny she now asks everyday if we are going to party? At 2? I'm in trouble.

What a year!

Exactly one year ago today. In a way it feels like last week. In others, it feels like a lifetime ago. In the beginning, I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it's all a dream...I'd pat the bed next to me and realize it's real. I did it. I can honestly say a year later...it was so worth it! The lyrics of this song describe perfectly my thought process 365 days ago:


Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

A year ago I was incredibly scared about what the future would hold for Layla and I. I didn't know where we'd be living the next week, the next month or the next year. I didn't know what he would do, to us or to himself. I remember vividly the one and really only time I broke down in tears. It was a few days after the papers were served and he was demanding to see Layla which I knew I couldn't stop or deny him of that right. We all knew his mental state wasn't the best so both my Dad and Stepdad decided it would be best for them to both go drop her off. I remember standing in the driveway and watching them drive away with her. It wasn't as though I hadn't thought long and hard about the impact my decision would have on her life, but in that moment, it became real.

I can only look back and smile and marvel in the wonderful and blessed ways my life has changed. I have learned just how much strength and resilience I have inside. I have learned just how incredibly important my friends, family, and God are, and also, how much they love both Layla and I. I have found myself again (that sounds so corny for me, but it's so true. I had lost so much of myself in that marriage. As my friends tell me all the time, "CP is back"!). I have also learned how the material things in life just don't matter that much.

Again, another song that speaks these words better than I could:

And its funny how it’s the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There’s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I’ve come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise you glasses for a toast


My life today is far better than it's ever been. Yes, there have been struggles in the past year. There are days were I don't get to sit down until 9:30pm and wonder if it'll always be this crazy and exhausting. Even when I am completely exhausted and can't seem to find the energy to do the little things, I can't help but smile.

The future will unfold, one day at a time. I don't know what it'll bring, but one thing is for sure, I am sure as hell gonna enjoy the ride.

Apparently....I'm no longer 25.

Saturday night was the Kenny concert. I'll say now...I love that dude. I don't care that he does not meet the 6'2 height requirement I've enacted (speaking of which...I just had a random thought. I need one of those height thingys they have at amusement parks..."must be X tall to ride this ride". Okay maybe not. Get your f-ing mind out of the gutter). I don't care that my friend Lowel is convinced he's gay. I love him: I love his music. I love his attitude. And yes, his tractor is damn sexy. Back on track here...so I went to the concert with my brother and 2 of his friends. All 25 year old single men. In theory, it was going to fun night. I have after all honed my ability to drink quite a bit, not make a complete fool of myself and not be hungover the next day (tired...yes! Hungover...no!). We had to planned to make a total night of it so I was prepared. I could certainly keep up with their drinking, but could not keep up with their ADD hormones. They insisted we go to PBR after the concert. That was fun for 20 minutes. I ran into a good friend (who is my age) and her crew. She knew I was drunk. I knew she was drunk. We convinced each other riding the bull would be a good idea. Not so much. I'm apparently not 25 and I have a bruise the size of Vermont on my left shin to prove it (although I did stay on for quite a while...mostly because I knew falling off would hurt worse than any muscle soreness from hanging on for dear life). My friends had to smarts to get out of that bar and go elsewhere. I on the other hand had a few 25 year olds that had found 'dates'.

The bar slowly but surely turned into a 25 year old 'fest' of sorts. I realized a long time ago that while it's fun to find someone at a bar to flirt with/dance with/etc., it's just not my thing anymore. Again....I'm not 25. At one point I walk over to my brother not realizing he was standing behind this roped off area. He was just standing in this group of people looking like a fool. I asked what the hell he was doing and he told me he had "snuck" into the VIP area and Miranda Lambert was on the couch 7 feet from him. Are you kidding me? First off all, the VIP area was a 10x5 corner roped off with nylon ropes that looked like ones you use to tie down a recliner to the bed of your pick up. Again, a thrill if you're 25...but as previously mentioned, I am not 25.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Being 25 was great. I enjoyed the hell out of it. But being 32 (in my opinion) is much better. Yes, the hangovers hurt more (but if you've been able to perfect your drinking skills like I have, you rarely get them!). Yes...going out and getting 'crazy' just doesn't have the same meaning. I have much more fun going to someplace a little more mellow and sitting on the patio having drinks. Old? No! Mature? Yes. And waking up in some random persons hotel room...completely overrated. (I should probably clarify this last statement...I did not wake up in a random hotel room...that would be one of the 25 year olds I was with).

So apparently I am not 25 and apparently, I like it just fine! :)

Freak of the Week

I couldn't resist yet another freak of the week post.

This one sent me an email yesterday. The email went something like this (ok, exactly like this):
"I got to say that you are adorable as you are wholesome a rare gem on here if I may speak bluntly. I would love to have the chance to visit more with you...p.s. My name is Billy"

And here are the 2 pictures he has on his profile:



And the second picture: Really dude???



What can I say. Not exactly my 'type'.

This one is just plain hysterical. I know this dude is totally joking so I had to copy his entire profile because it's pretty damn entertaining. The funny thing is, I ran into him while out for a happy hour last week (he had some normal pictures too so I recognized him). He was just as creepy in person as he was online.
Here's his profile text:



HI! Mom says that I am a great catch. I am still living with mom. She lets me stay out on dates until eight o'clock at night if my room is clean. I plan to move out of the house soon into a utility shed in the back yard. I am currently fixing up the shed as my "bachelor pad". I am currently unemployed. My last job was being a greeter at a local store. I am a sharp dresser. I like to wear polyester leisure suits. I have my eye on a bright green leisure suit that is for sale at a thrift store. I have been saving my money for the last six months to buy it. It is five dollars. I usually have one date per year.My last date only lasted about two minutes. I wonder why. My friend calls me" Mr. Excitement" . He calls me that because I have had three dates my entire life. I know by now you are probably very impressed with me. I hope to hear from you soon.

And the picture to go with it:


Now that looks like a fine young man!

The Twilight Zone

I feel like I've been living in the twilight zone for the past few days.
Some really weird shit has happened (not bad stuff, just out of the ordinary).

1) I have a horrible cold. Instead of just fighting through it like I usually do, I went to the Dr yesterday morning. She went ahead and put me on antibiotics and told me it might be strep or tonsillitis, but for sure it wasn't just the common cold. Great. Luckily I am feeling much better today! Since I felt like crap yesterday, I didn't do much for Cinco de Mayo. Our office did have a little party so after I picked Layla up from school, I went over there for a few minutes. This is where things go a little weird. First of all, I show up and Mom had already taken a few tequila shots. Mind you, my Mom doesn't drink a whole lot. It was a little strange that my Mom had more to drink at this party than I did. That's just not right.

3)I bring Layla home (which she wasn't excited about it...she was having a ball at the 'party' and this morning when she got up she asked if we could go back to the party). We are playing and reading when all the sudden she breaks out in Spanish. WTH? I knew she could kind of count to 10 if I helped her, but seriously? It was a little freaky she chose Cinco de Mayo to start breaking out in tongues.

4) My family has convinced me I need to be a little more rigid with F head and our dropping off/picking up deal. For the past several months, he picks Layla up at school on M,W and F then I pick her up from him at 7pm. Everyone thinks it's crap that I have to go get her and he can't drop her off at home (he claims, "it's too hard"). So Monday I decide to try this. I sent him a text at 5:39p asking him to please drop her off at my house. My Dad was over here fixing something (well, more like seeing what was for dinner) and I said to him at 6:50p that I would fall out of my chair if F-head just showed up without putting up a fight. 2 minutes later, I hear the roar of his car and his horn blaring. I was beside myself. He actually did it!!!! Of course not without complaints that he was going to be late for something, but none the less, he did it!

Best Hug Ever!

If you're looking for an update on dating, you can stop reading now. Nothing new in that department. :) Have you told you lately how much I am having just being single and hanging out? I love it. It suits me right now!

That said, I had a pretty great weekend. Most of it was spent with family. The best part of it was last night...the little monkey and I had a 'girls night'. I was incredibly exhausted as I had spent almost 5 hours mowing both my yard and my parents. My step dad is out of town taking care of Ben in Dallas (he had surgery Thurs morning...long story). My Mom said something on Friday about needing to mow the yard. I told her there was no way in hell I was letting her mow the yard. It's probably been 30 years since she's mowed and their yard isn't exactly small. So, being the wonderful, angelic daughter I am (he he he), I mowed went over the mowed it. So last night I was pretty darn tired...but that didn't keep me from having an amazing night with Layla. That child is hysterical. After we went outside and swung, chased/raced the dog around the yard, went down the slide 42 times, learned how to climb up the slide twice(and fall off the side doing so), we came in for a MUCH needed bath. We made a pit stop on my bed so I could coax her out of her clothes. That turned into a 2 hour playdate. We played 'jumpy jumpy', made a pile of pillows for her to climb on and jump off (it's rather embarrassing the amount of pillows on my bed, suffice to say, it's enough to look like a small mountain to her). She buried me in pillows. I buried her in pil-pohs. We made a fort under the blankets, perfected our somersaults (and somersaulted right off the bed that's approx 3.5 feet in the air..wasn't pretty but luckily she landed on a few stray pil-pohs). She made up a new game. She told me to close my eyes (which she has never done before). Proceeded to climb up the mountain of pillows and jump off landing my stomach. Didn't feel so great but it was funny as hell. Needless to say, I never knew how much fun we could have playing on my bed. It's made me realize...we really need a trampoline. 2 more years and I'm buying one. I've wanted one since I was 8 so really it'll be for me, but I guess I'll let her play on it too! :)

This morning when she woke up she wouldn't let me pick her up until she gave me a hug and kiss. It was best damn hug and kiss EVER. I love that girl!

More Freaks of the Week

I'm playing a little catch up here and I've failed to post the "Freak of the Week" for a while. For your viewing pleasure, here are just a few crazies from the last few weeks (actual pictures from actual people that have emailed me in the past few weeks...and you wonder why I'm pretty much done with the online dating deal?):

Looks like you're getting ready to kill someone. Where can I sign up for a date with him?

Is that roadkill he's holding or a pet? Bonus, he's well on his way to sporting to a mullet.

Wow. Does he really have on boots with those shorts? Now that's pretty damn hot. Makes me wonder...does he leave his boots on ALL THE TIME?

Thank goodness that's over!

What a freaking crazy week! Work has not slowed down, which is a great thing, but on top of working like mad, my sister and I had a garage sale this past weekend. What was I thinking? Not that I didn't want to do the garage sale, but it was a little much. Thank god my sister was here because I spent half the time inside negotiating a half million dollar contract(which I think is finally coming together). The other half of the weekend I spent haggling over $.50 pieces of crap. On top of that I picked up a new client who I ended up having to show on Saturday (by the airport none the less). I have to admit I was kind of happy I didn't have to garage sale all day, but working until nearly 8pm on both Saturday and Sunday wasn't much fun. I will say, we made nearly $2,000 over the 3 days...not bad. I would guess about 80% of what I made was in baby clothes (at $1-$2 per piece!).It was downright embarrassing when I started getting out all of Layla's clothes. I couldn't believe the amount of clothes we had accumulated in 2 years. Neither could some of the passer-by's. I got asked on more than one occasion how many daughters I had. Embarrassing. So what did I do with the money??? Yep, I turned around a spent it on a bunch of clothes for Layla (and a few things for myself). We both need new summer wardrobes so it had to be done. I will say though I used some restraint and didn't over buy. I'm actually quite proud of myself!

As for this week, I think my work schedule might slow down just a bit. We are still fine tuning some things on the contract I was negotiating all last week and after showing them 6 more houses yesterday we have back up plans. I'll be glad to get them under contract (we've only looked at 132 homes at last count!). I have 2 other clients to show this week, one seller that is finally (after 2 years) ready to put his house on the market (you can't hear it, but I am laughing. If a sign actually goes up in the next month I'll be amazed). I also have social engagements Tues, Thurs and Fri nights. Yup...kind of a slow week around here. Ha. Ha. Ha. Who am I kidding?

I've gotten a few emails asking how Layla is doing...she is fabulous! What a fun age this is. Her speech and vocabulary has sky rocketed, as has her singing. It's hysterically to listen to her play. You can see and hear the imagination that is starting to take off. As is her stubbornness (wonder where she got that from?). She has taken to picking out her own clothes. Last Friday I had picked out a cute little dress with bloomers for her to wear to school. When I realized it was a little chilly, I decided she needed leggings on. This was all fine until she decided she also needed the bloomers on and her bright yellow and orange crocs. She pretty much looked like a 3 ring circus, but hey, she was happy. The last few times I've picked her up from F-head she's been wearing his clothes. Apparently she has a new fascination with putting on his shirts. Either that, or it's a ploy he's pulling to get me to do some of his laundry! :) Either way, she's pretty damn cute running around in this huge shirt.

Came out of retirement only to be disappointed...again!

I know it's been over a week since you've gotten an update. Work is kicking my ass right now, but I am soooooo not complaining. Due to that, my social life has been non-existent. That and the fact I am having a garage sale this weekend. Ask me if I've done anything to prepare? I think you know the answer!

So...on to what you really came here for: the dating update.

I really haven't been on a date in over a month. It's been a nice break actually but I was ready to get out there and try again. This one seemed worth it (hell, he was 6'4 so he had at least had that going for him...and no penis haircut!). We've been talking for about 10 days, mostly via text and few phone call here and there. On paper, he was fantastic. His pictures...well he looked pretty decent. I had that all-to-familiar feeling that seems to be the norm lately...we hit it off and seem to have a lot of common ground but then you meet and expectations are shattered. And yes, yet again, that happened. I have learned to temper my expectations so I really wasn't surprised. I will tell you, I am not looking for a freaking super model...just a basic attraction would be nice at this point. This one disappointed me though in the sense that he really possess a lot of qualities I am looking for, just nothing for me the in the physical department. He's incredibly intelligent and someone that could definitely keep me challenged mentally and spiritually. The only thing he didn't have was the athletic background and the party gene (not that I am so big partier, but I like to go out and have a good time. He on the other hand sounds like a total home body). I tried to force myself to find a physical attraction during our lunch but I quickly realized it just wasn't gonna happen. He on the other hand has already sent me 4 texts and I left lunch a little over an hour ago. What is with these guys? Have you ever heard of playing hard to get?

I did however gain a new 'theory' on dating. It's the 'bucket' theory and it really applies not just to dating, but to everyone in your life. I'll try to explain it as concise as I can:
There are 3 buckets: emotional, spiritual and physical. You need to find people that fill those buckets and avoid people that drain them. A good friend probably fills 2 of the 3 (and maybe even only one, the just fill it well). A good love 'match' however would be someone who can fill all three. For him, he could fill 2 out of 3 for me. Not going to work. I am putting his own theory to use here. I need to find someone that can fill all 3. You know anyone? I am taking suggestions at this point!

And, I have decided that I am not picky, I am selective! So there!

Yet another classic moment....

This is f-ing great!
I had to post an update. So F-head apparently wasn't telling me the truth when he told me Jane was coming to pick up the "tools". I just got a call from him and he was at my house (funny...he never had to ask for my address or directions...amazing how that works!). Here's where it gets hysterical...when he asked for a laundry list of tools in the divorce I agreed to about half of what he asked for. You have to understand that the man does not know how to work any of these tools and most of them my Dad had given us. He asked for both the miter saw and table saw. The miter saw is really nice. The table saw we had was really a big piece of junk that my Dad had given us. I knew that he didn't know the difference between the miter saw and table saw so I agreed to give him the table saw, not the miter saw (are you following this), knowing he probably thought he was getting the miter saw. He's not smart enough to know the difference. So he arrives at my house this morning to pick up the table saw and router and I get the following phone call:

F: "The table saw isn't here"
Me: "Um. Yes it is. I left in front of my garage door with the router on top of it".
F: "This isn't the table saw I wanted."
Me: "That's the only table saw we owned."
F: "I wanted the big round one" (nice use of technical terms)
Me: "And that would be called a miter saw."
F: "Well you knew what I wanted"
Me: "Yup, but you agreed and signed off on the table saw and NOT the miter saw so it's now yours"
F: "You took advantage of me"
Me: "Not really. I can't help if you don't know the difference between the two. It's your fault, not really mine. If you don't want what you agreed to then I'll take it back. Just leave it there."
F: "Your a f-ing bitch"

Brilliant!

Classic F-Head Moments: Part 4

As you know, it's rare I post about F-head and his latest 'classic moments'. These are too good to pass up.

So yesterday I had an out of town buyer to show. 25 houses. Sunday night I started feeling a little stomach ache. When I woke up yesterday it had gotten much worse. I powered through the showings with a fever and all. F-Head had L last night and I quickly realized picking her up would be a challenge. I text him to see if by chance he would agree to drop her off (he has never been to my house as it's "too hard for him"...get the f over it!). So approx 2 mins after sending the text I get a phone call. I can't understand him and all I can hear is L in the background screaming bloody murder. He tells me she's been that way since 4pm (it's now 6:15p) and I can tell he's frustrated. I tell him I'll come get her and ask where they are. He hangs up on me. I call him back and he gives me a pity story about not being able to get into the car because she keeps throwing a fit and then goes on to say I shouldn't come get her since I am sick. He finally tells me their at McDonald's and he's walking around the parking lot with her (in the rain mind you) and isn't sure what time he'll drop her off since he can't seem to be an adult and get her into the car. I finally just tell him I'm coming to get her. He goes off on me about how I think he's an incompetent father, etc etc etc. What the hell I am suppose to do when he does an SOS call because he can't figure out how to be a parent and deal with a 2 year old's temper-tantrum. On one hand I want to ignore it and let him deal with it, on the other I can't possibily let my child who is screaming "Mommy" walk around a parking lot in the rain. So I get in the car and go pick her up. Do you think I get a thank you? Nope. Instead he goes off on me again about how I make him feel like a bad parent. Um hello? You're the one who called me because you couldn't figure out how to be a parent.

While finalizing the divorce he asked for a bunch of our tools. Most of which my Dad had given him/us. I agreed to give him a few of them (most of them are old and hardy work although he doesn't know that because he's never tried to use them. He asked for them just to be a dick). He's never come by to pick them up so I sent him a text to tell him I am not a storage facility and he needs to get them by Friday otherwise they'll be given away or sold. This is great. He sends me a text back that "Jane" is coming to get them on Wednesday. Jane is a 50 year old woman that I doubt can lift the 100lb table saw into a car by herself. But because he can't seem to get over himself, he has to send her. What a great, stand up guy!

And I'll throw this in just because it's yet another classic moment from the other night. I was running late so my sister had to pick up L from F-Head. This is the first time since I filed that she's come face to face with him. She wasn't thrilled about it, but it had to be done. And given the opportunity, she's probably inflict some serious bodily harm on him...and he knows it. In fact, when I texted him to tell him my sister was coming, he tried every way but Sunday to avoid it. So she pulls up to the condo building. He usually comes out the front door, walks down the 40 foot sidewalk and puts L in the car. Instead, the mother trucker opens the front door, shoves L out the door and closes it. She doesn't recognize my sister's car at the end of the sidewalk so she starts crying and banging on the door to get back in. Can you freakin believe it? She's 2 years old you mother trucker! It makes me cry just thinking of her standing there all alone. He finally opens the door and decides he better walk her to the car. In the meantime, my sister had gotten out of the car to get her. Apparently, the entire time he was walking down the sidewalk he had his head turned backwards as to not make eye contact. What a f-ing wimp!

Kicked in the Head by Murphy

I've been kicked in the head this week by Murhpy's Law. This week was suppose to be relatively laid back as I prepared for the mayhem of the upcoming week (out of town buyer Mon and Tues which equates to approx 60 homes to show between the 2 days; I'm volunteering a horse riding facility for challenged kids and I have training for that Monday night; I have to be in Manhattan Wed-Thur for state meetings; and another buyer on Fri; a charity event Friday night ).

This week couldn't have been any crazier. I had a seller that decided after getting a near full price offer she wasn't sure she wanted to sell. That only cost me about $25,000 in income. Just a little frustrating! Since then, I've had about 4 sign call on her property and have had another couple that wanted to write an offer. It's been on the market for 4 months and we've only had 5 showings. Of course, the week she decides she think she wants to stay we get a ton of activity. All the while, she's going broke making her payments, lost her job this week and STILL isn't sure if she wants to sell. Um, reality anyone???

Thursday night I had some friends over. I was telling one of them how incredible the dog has done making the transition over the last 6 months from an outdoor dog to an indoor/outdoor dog. I was bragging that she hasn't had one accident in the house. What do you think happened Thursday night? Yup. And no, she couldn't take 2 steps and do it on the hardwood floors, it had to be on the carpet I just paid to have cleaned last week. Brilliant!

Then today. Ahhh today. I had to show 3 buyer all within a 2 1/2 hour period. That was fun. Really, it was. 2 were a complete waste of time. Last night I got a call from a guy I have been working with for almost 2 years and says he's finally ready to get his house the market. Today, I get another call from a past "looker" that they are ready to buy. When it rains, it pours. I am SO not complaining, but could they have picked a worse week to lay this on me???

I get home and I'm playing with Layla. We (I) decided to put together this activity table I bought her. It's a Play-Doh table. What in the hell was I thinking? Luckily I have passed off to her that it's for coloring....except she found the markers that came in the box. Of course, this was done while I was changing laundry. I came back in the room and she had managed to color the entire table, the floor, her hands and some beautiful artwork up her arm. Again, what was I thinking?

Then...I experienced the worst thing I have as a parent. I went out to the garage to get something out of the car. I was out there maybe one minute and I heard Layla banging on the door and starting to cry because she wanted to come out. I went back to the door only to find it locked. Aw yes. She locked me out of the house. I have never used a key to get into my house so I couldn't even begin to think where one might be. I ran to the front door....locked. Ran to the sliding glass door in the back of the house...locked. She's in the window at the front door with tears streaming down her face and I am on the other side with tears starting to roll down mine trying to explain to her how to unlock the door. That didn't really work so well. I run over to my neighbors and frantically ask for help. He was useless. I ran backover and contemplate kicking the door as I realize I have some random keys in a drawer in the garage. One of them is the golden ticket and I finally get back in. Of course I had something in the oven that was almost done that I then forgot about. Woo Hoo. That experience to be the worst thing ever. What made it really weird was just yesterday I was thinking that I didn't think I had a key to house and really needed to get some made and give them to appropriate family members. That will done tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I'm going to attempt to go out tonight and meet some friends. I think Mommy might need a cold beverage or 10.

A few things that I need to get off my chest:

I'm due for an update. Not much in the dating world, thank goodness. It's been pretty quiet which is a welcome change to be honest with you. I am tired of it. I have plenty of friends and 'stuff' to keep me busy for now. I realized when I was on a crappy date last weekend that I would much rather be out with my friends than stuck with some guy I can't stand to be around. Sorry to all of you that come here to read about my dating adventures...it might get boring for a while! I'll do my best to keep you entertained. And what better way to do it than with a good F-head story:

Amazing that even a year later the pieces to the puzzle are still coming together. I could never quite figure out how he had financed the 8 month relationship with a 20 year old. I do realize most 20 year old are cheap dates but he'd still need some cash right? Anyway, I remember him saying, "I can't be cheating. If I was, how would I be paying for dates?". I knew when he went on his big trip last Nov he came back with a huge amount of cash and it conveniently disappeared. Apparently that only last him until about mid-February. I was going through bank statements yesterday while doing my taxes and happened to be adding up $$$ spent on gas. I kept seeing these $30 charges at one particular gas station. After about 5 of these charges in a 2 week period I started looking closer. You can tell it was with his card and there are about 20 of these $30 charges. Maybe he's smarter than I give him credit (or maybe not). He knows I don't pay close attention to bank statements and after all, these were charges at a gas station, easily explained if I saw a few of them. But 20 within a 2 month period? Good lord. I just have to laugh at this point and give him points for creativity.

I have a few other things I need to say but probably shouldn't say outloud to anyone:

Dear Naked Locker Room Lady:
I appreciate your kindness. Really, I do. While I enjoy our banter, for the love of god can you please at least put on a bra. Your probably 82 yeard old and your girls just aren't pretty anymore. Even if they were, it's creepy to have someone stand there completely naked and talk to you (have you noticed that I am completely clothed at all times?). Maybe you should try striking up conversations with other naked, 80 year old ladies standing around after water aerobics. They look like a lot fun and seem to have a lot in common with you. I'd probably be best if our conversations occured outside of the locker room. I just can't do it and keep a straight face anymore lady.
Signed, Trying to nice but failing miserably.

Dear Precious Daughter of Mine:
You know how much I love you. You know I think you are the cutest child to ever grace this planet. But I need to lodge a little complaint. This new little sleeping game your playing really isn't funny. I mean do you really have to wait until the moment I start falling asleep and then start screaming "Mommy"? I try so hard just to ignore you like everyone tells me I should, but when you yell "Mommy" in that "I can't bare another minute apart from you" voice it makes ignoring you really, really hard. Also in regards to sleeping, what is up with the 5am wake up time lately? You have always been like me and managed to sleep in. I realize you think it's time to get up, but the rest of world (ie your mom) is still trying to sleep. If I am kind enough to bring you to my bed and turn on Mickey Mouse, please return the favor and let me sleep while you watch cartoons....it's only fair.
Signed, your loving (and very tired) mommy

True F-ing Story

Not sure I can even type this and keep a straight face. This is CLASSIC.

Last Friday night (while in Santa Barbara) I met up with a friend, Lowel, to watch the Kansas game. After the game we wandered to some bar to play pool. Upon entering, we were greeted by 2 gals...seemingly normal at first. That was until they started talking. Apparently she thought Lowel was cute and proceeded to hit on him. All the while girl 1 kept telling Lowel and myself that he needed to hit on her because "she really liked him". I have to give him credit though...he could have been a total ass to her and wasn't. I learned several valuable lessons, such as, the top 3 things you don't tell a guy you are trying to "pick up" in bar:

1) "I spent several years in Narcotics Anonymous"
2) "Yeah...I just got out of an abusive lesbian relationship so my friend and I are out celebrating. I have never been out to bars before." (that could actually be 2 separate items)
3) "I also just lost over 100 lbs...another reason to celebrate!"

So....you wanna go home with me?

True f-ing story. Below is a picture. Girl 2 is on the left. You can't see it in the picture, but she has more glitter on her face than the dancers at Temptations.

What a weekend!

Back to life...back to reality. This past weekend I took a much needed break and went out to Santa Barbara to visit some good friends. You know I typically don't use real names on her, but since this story doesn't involve my dating life, I will. I met Rob and Lara shortly after I moved to Sacramento. They quickly became what I would call 'best friends'. We have a lot in common and always seem to have a good time together. They both grew up in Santa Barbara and moved back there about the same time I moved back to KC. I hadn't seem them since and was overdue for a visit! Since moving to SB, they have had 2 children...who I must say are about the most adorable and fun kids to be around! And it was amazing to see both of them as parents....they pretty much have it down to a science! At times I wished I would have taken my little monkey as their youngest is only 6 weeks younger than her. But then again, it was really, really nice to have a weekend free of Mommy duties.

I also got to hang out with one of their good friends, Lowell. We had hung out a few times in the past when he'd come up to Sac to visit or when I went down to SB. I hadn't seem him in years and we had a great time catching up. He certainly knows how to keep life interesting!

Being that I was childless, I really thought it was going to be a great opportunity to sleep in for the first time in a year. Not so much. Apparently my body has adjusted quite nicely to getting up at the crack of dawn. And with the time change, that meant I was up at 5am everyday. WTH? I forced myself to sleep in (until 7:30a) and got the chance to wake up to the sound of the ocean right outside my door..it was heaven! Lara's parents were nice enough to let me stay at there house and I have to tell you, it's about as good as it gets! They have an amazing house on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Here's are a few pics:







Suffice to say, I'd forgotten how much I adore Santa Barbara. It's absolutely beautiful and so amazing. If I didn't have a child and family in KC, there would be a moving truck at my house this week. I don't care if I had to pitch a tent and live in Rob and Lara's backyard, I'd do it! It's that incredible.

We had a fabulous weekend together. There are too many things to go into detail about, but here a few quick snippets: we drank, we bbq'ed, we went wine tasting, we drank more, sat in the sun, played beach volleyball, I broke their car, drank more, ate more, drank more, etc. You get the idea! :)

I will go into detail about one thing. The Peanut Story. Hanging out with them is always fun and there always seems to be some hilarious story that ensues. Sunday night Lara and I cooked (well, Lara mostly) dinner for her family (fresh fish tacos, coleslaw, coconut ginger rice, homemade mango salsa,guacamole, and fresh mojitos. I forget how great the produce is in CA!). Lowell came over the brought the most amazing Ahi tuna I think I've ever had. After an amazing dinner, sunset (see picture in the next post)and few too many mojitos somehow we convinced ourselves going out would be a good idea...after all, I had to be up at 4:45am to catch my flight. Good decision making on my part! Lara was the only smart one and decided to take the kids home and call it a night (damn her!). We went to some place on State street and listened to some pretty good karaoke. Lowell tried his best to convince me to sing and lucky for everyone in the place I had enough sense not to. This bar happened to have shelled peanuts and apparently at some point, someone with us (still not quite sure who but I'd bet my money on Rob) decided it's be funny to fill my purse with peanuts. Ha. Ha. Ha. I got most of them out:

Somehow, I missed quite a few (either that or I had too much to drink and didn't see someone refilling my purse). At about 12am I started to feel really, really bad. I couldn't figure out why. I had only had 2 drinks at this bar. I somehow forgot about the glasses of wine we had while making dinner, the mojitos during dinner and the glasses of wine after dinner, then I topped it off with bourbon at the bar. I was convinced someone had ruffied my drink. It wasn't until the next day and I remembered everything I drank and realized I apparently ruffied myself. I must say, I haven't been that out of it in a LONG time. That 4:45am wake up call was ROUGH! I was definitely still drunk. Lowell had volunteered to take my to the airport (love him!) and conveniently slept on the driveway in his car. I rolled out and woke him up. I could barely talk on the way to airport. The entire time I was thinking about how bad I felt for the poor person who had to sit next to me on the place. After downing some coffee and choking down a banana (trust me, it wasn't easy) I boarded this tiny commuter plane for a 2 and half hour flight to Denver. Woo Hoo! Since it was a small plane I had to store my carry ons in the overhead. So I get settled into my window seat and then a guy sits down next to me. Holy shit! First of all he smelled like he hadn't taken a shower in a few days and secondly, his clothes smelled of curry and onions. This didn't set well with my stomach. I thought for sure I'd be able to pass out on the plane. No luck!!! I decided to get up and get some music from my bag. When I opened the overhead compartment my bag fell over along with my purse. Out came the peanuts. This poor, poor old lady ended up with peanuts sprinkled in her hair that I had to pick out. I couldn't even begin to explain to her why peanuts had fallen out of my bag. For one, I still couldn't really talk coherently and then I could hardly contain the laughter. Needless to say, it was the perfect ending to a grand weekend!!!

Thanks again to my wonderful hosts. As always...great times with great friends!

Here are few pics from the weekend:

A mock turtleneck...really???

As promised, a dating update (of lack there of):

I have all but given up on the online dating deal and decided to let fate work some magic so it's been pretty quiet for the past few weeks by choice. ....except for the constant chiming of my cell phone with text messages from a guy I have gone on one date with! We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and I thought then I might give him another shot. That was before I found out he was serial texter. Luckily he's gotten the hint and hasn't been nearly as bad the last week. The week after our date I am not kidding when I say 10-20 texts a day. And just random crap. It didn't matter if I responded or not...the texts kept coming! Now I will admit, I didn't tell you the full story on this one. The night before our actual first date we were both out with friends and ended up meeting up for a drink. He did warn me he wasn't exactly dressed appropriately as he had planned on going to a buddies house to play poker. That was an understatement. He was in total dad jeans (stonewashed yuckiness) and white tennis shoes. He's 36 but looked 46. I felt too bad not to at least go out to dinner with him the next night. I was pleasantly surprised when he showed up. He looked like a different guy. I decided to see what the 3rd 'meeting' would brinkg so I agreed to meet him last night for a drink. He wanted to see me before I left town. He came straight from work, as did I. Two words: mock turtleneck. I just can't do it. I know I am being really, what's the word, caddy. Even if I could get past the bad dresser aspect, we really don't have much in common besides golf. He's just plain not my type. And besides, anyone that really knows me knows what my biggest pet peeve is: sniffling. I have been known to offer people Kleenex's on occasion. The few times I have actually talked with him on the phone and not just texted he constantly sniffles. It drives me nuts. So the texting, dressing and sniffling has me saying, "buh bye' to this one. Ya think I can just do it over text?

I must go back a few days and tell you about some fun that was had last Friday night. Doesn't really have a dating punchline, but it was a good time! I went to happy hour with a single girlfriend. For sake of leaving off real names, we'll call her C. I have written about C. previously....we went to high school together and reconnected via the power of facebook. She is also trying the online dating thing so we get together and compare war stories.

We met at the Blue Moose and quickly decided the clientele (ie lack of cute guys) wasn't the best so she twisted my arm with the lure of free beer and we headed to Charlie Hooper's in Brookside. Much better atmosphere! We finally snagged a table. C. went up to the bar to get a round of drinks and all the sudden our table was surround by about 7 men who were looking for seats. Of course I couldn't say no. Some of them were pretty darn cute! They were happy we let them sit with us and proceeded to buy round after round after round of drinks. Needless to say it was cheap night. Our of the corner of my eye I see a familiar face. I was telling C. that I thought I knew him and he saw me mouth his name. He came over and sure enough it was a blast from the past. I hadn't seem him in probably 15 years. He was best friends with my HS sweetheart and one of the nicest guys I have ever known. He gave me the biggest compliment EVER by telling me I hadn't changed one bit from high school (I think he was exaggerating a little bit!). He even said he could still picture me in my pink prom dress. Okay. That was a little strange, but nonetheless I was extremely flattered. All the gym time is paying off! He got my digits and insisted we hang out. Might be interesting!

About 20 minutes later I see another familiar figure. I say figure because this guy has a distinct one. He's about 6'6 and in HS probably tipped the scale at 140. He's filled out a little since, but is still recognizable, even from the back. Again, I hadn't seem him in probably 10 years and last I heard he had moved from the Virgin Islands to Boston and had gotten married. C knew him as well since he was a HS cohort. He moved back to KC about 5 days earlier and we were able to sit and catch up for quite a while. It's killing me not to tell you who it was, but you can probably figure it out from my description above. Yes...he's married. No, he's not dead somewhere. I tried to convince him he needs to get on facebook but for some reason he seems resistent to people knowing what he's up to. So all in all, another fun happy hour with C.

I'm out for while a la a little vacation. I'm going to Santa Barbara to catch up with my best friends from Sacramento. We both moved away from Sacramento at the same time and haven't seen each other since. I am so looking forward to catching up and having a long weekend away from mommy-ville. Hope you have a good weekend! :) c.

Pure Exhaustion

Holy moly! First of all, you deserve an update and secondly, I deserve a vacation. Which I will get in less than 48 hours. But before I can get by butt on a plane I have some things to do. Why is it when you are trying to go out of town shit hits the fan? Let me tell you about my day. This has been pretty indicative of the last several days but it will help you understand why I am a tad worn out:

6:30am: Layla wakes up. I go into to get her, keep the lights off and step up to her crib. I notice something wet on the floor...not quite sure what it is until I grab her and feel her bare bottom. Lovely. At some point during the night she has completely stripped naked and proceeded to pee all over her bed and managed to pee on the floor. I though only boys coud projectile pee?

8:00am: Leave the house. Drop her off at daycare. Make 2 client calls on the way.

8:20am: Arrive at office. Proof an invitation for a baby shower and call the printer about the size being wrong. Explain to client that the envelopes she bought are the wrong size and will have to be changed. Almost get talked into hand addressing 57 envelopes but realize I can't handle that right now. Check email and facebook and prepare for showings I have today.

9:10am: Get a text from tonight's date that he's cancelling. Call babysitter to cancel. Slightly relieved.

9:30am: Head out for day 2 of showing an out of town buyer who is trying to learn the area. Drive all over the city answering questions, showing houses, walking in on naked people not expecting an agent, ya know. The usual stuff.

2:30pm: Arrive back at office. Run inside to return a few emails and phone calls.

2:50pm: Leave office to run 2 quick errands before heading to the gym (which was a must. Haven't been in 4 days). Decide while I am there I need to tan. Tan. Burn. New bulbs that they failed to mention.

4:40pm: Leave gym sweaty, gross and bright red. Notice 4 missed calls on cell phone. 3 of which were clients. One wants to see 3 houses in the evening. Call babysitter back to see if she can come over after I cancelled on her earlier. Get a 911 text from friend who needs a recipe. Followed up by 2 phone calls from said friend. Talk him through how to find the recipe.

4:44pm: Arrive at Layla's school. Talk to babysitter and get her back on board for the evening so I can show houses. One problem. Client wants to meet a 6:15pm, babysitter can't arrive until 6:45pm. Can't really meet client any later since it'll be dark by 8pm and we need to get to all the houses in before dark.

4:46pm: Get back in car. 2 more missed calls from client. Baby screaming in the back seat. Call co-op to set up showings. Layla still screaming. Call grandparents about filling in from 6-6:45pm, no go. Call back ups. 5th call a charm. Babysitter 1 will arrive at 6pm, babysitter 2 will arrive at 6:45pm. Layla still screaming.

5:08pm: Arrive at home. Get Layla something to drink. Pick up house because it looks a tornado came through and babysitter(s) will be arriving in less than an hour. Still sweaty and gross from workout so in the shower we go. Get a text from a guy (more details later). Wants to see me before I leave town. Decide I can take advantage of having a babysitter and meet for one drink after showings.

5:50pm: Finished getting ready although while getting ready get a call from another agent who needs some marketing pieces done before I leave town. In the process of racing downstairs to make Layla dinner I realize I need to put sheets on her bed since the pee incidence. Make Layla dinner, give her medicine, and get her stuff organized for babysitters. Babysitter one arrives.

5:58pm: Leave house. Return as many calls as possible during the 14 minute car ride.

6:15p-8p: Show houses.

8:15pm: Meet guy for drink

9:23pm: Arrive home. Realize tomorrow is trash day and I have about 15 bags on yard waste to haul to the end of the driveway. Finished. Exhausted. Want to go to bed. Brother calls. Needs help with something. Spend a half hour on the phone with him. Update blog.

That about covers my day. Here's to a better day tomorrow. And yes, I will update tomorrow with guy situations. Trust me....nothing (and I mean nothing) exciting!

Back to Reality (at least for a day)

Holy moly. The last 5 days have not been the most fun in my house. Since Saturday morning I've been nursing the little monkey back to health. She had a little case of the stomach flu. I've done countless loads of laundry, cleaned up throw up from what feels like every square inch of the house and watched hours upon hours of Barney and Sesame Street. At one point I had both Barney and Elmo playing simultaneously in the living room...I had brought down a portable DVD player so she could watch videos and I could catch up on the DVR. In the midst of me getting the DVD player started, both the big TV and her little one were going...one with Elmo, one with Barney. You should have seen her little eyes light up with the thought of watching both at the same time. I quickly had to put the kibosh on that. Yesterday was finally somewhat normal, albeit she was completely out of energy, she did get her appetite back and the throw up train rolled out of here. She's back to school today but tomorrow is D-Day with the tubes. I have to have her at the hospital at 6am...oh joy. I can't wait for it be over and for her to feel better!

I was able to break up the monotony with some texts back and forth with Country Boy. Okay, actually it wasn't some, it was a lot. Too many. He texts me constantly. And call frequently too. It's really turning me off and getting kind of annoying. Last night I had to laugh at myself. I just can't find a happy medium. Am I that difficult to please? Am I asking for too much here? These guys either crowd me too much or not enough. I can't seem to find that happy place with them. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't date them. If 20+ texts in one day annoys me, maybe I need to move on. In a perfect world I would be excited every time I got a text from him, not thinking, "what the hell do you want now". Which takes me back to the "your way too picky comment" I got from someone a few weeks ago. Look, I'm gonna say this once and for all. I need to be picky. I deserve to be picky. I am in no hurry. This isn't a race. I will eventually find what I am looking for but I certainly don't need to lower my standards after being back in the dating world less than 6 months. If at 50 I'm still single and living with Layla and 40 cats, then I might consider the lowering of the standards. But for right now, they are staying put...high and all.

PS: Guess who's back???? I keep getting texts from McScotty. I responded to one yesterday...yell at me now. I know I don't need him anywhere near my life, but it was kind of fun screwing with him (get your mind out of the gutter...I'm talking about messing him over text). It did keep me entertained for a few minutes!

A few things...

First of all, congrats to all the Mizzou fans out there. Must have felt awesome to beat Baylor for the Big 12 championship. And while it's no national championship banner, I'm just excited you'll have something to hang up in the new arena.

Second, you'll never guess who is actually taking the little monkey this afternoon for a few hours while I have to work. F-Head! I am beside myself. I will say, when I asked him if he could help out he came up some excuse about how he was taking some classes at the mosque and he wasn't sure if he could miss but he'll try. Wait a minute. What does he do about his 'classes' on all the weekends he goes out of town? Yet another story that doesn't add up. Nice.

And speaking of the little Monkey, I've been cleaning up projectile vomit for the past 24 hours. It's been really fun. I think I'm on load #7 of laundry. She hasn't thrown up yet today (I'm not holding my breath) but she woke up at 4am with a fever. She did manage to sleep in until almost 9:30am, which has never happened (Mommy took full advantage. I can't tell you the last time I got to sleep past 7:30am) I feel so bad for her. She just can't seem to get healthy! We are breaking down and having tubes put in her ears on Tuesday. She's had 9 ear infections in 6 months. It's time.

Absolutely Classic!

I'll get to the 'classic' moment from last night in a minute...

This week was a comedy. It started with a drink date Wednesday night. We're sitting there talking (nice guy by the way) and I ask if he grew up around KC. He says yes, just over at 119th and Metcalf. I asked where he graduated from HS (thinking he was a few years older than me). He says, "Northwest". Um, Blue Valley NW? Yes. What year? 1995. Back the truck up. We apparently graduated together and I have absolutely no recollection of him. I will say, we had a big graduating class, but you tell me a name or show me a picture and I could probably tell you 90% of the time if they graduated with me or not. I have a pretty good memory. He falls into that 10%. I asked who he was friends with and he mentioned one guy, but said he pretty much kept to himself in HS. Of course as soon as I got home I yanked out the year book and scoured the pages for him. Ahhh yes. Now I recognize him...vaguely. And yes, he did keep to himself, wasn't involved in any activities, etc. He was pretty much a nerd in HS, but honestly, he turned out pretty good. :) It's a small, small world!

Last night I had a dinner date with a guy who is getting a name, only because there will probably be another date. I'll call this one Country Boy, because that's exactly what he is. I will admit, I'm totally attracted to that for some reason. His family are all farmers and raise horses south of KC. He's in the car business (yes, another car biz guy). I think he's 3 years older than me. Has an 11 year old boy. Tall. Somewhat slim, but not too bad (ie he probably weighs more than me which is good). And really, really nice. He's a good guy. Total gentleman. Lots of fun.

Which brings to a total classic moment. After our date was over I went and met some friends. We end up a Tanner's on 119th. I was looking up something on my phone and I hear my friends ompletely making fun of some dude's hair and how he needs to go back to the 80's, blah blah blah. I look up and start laughing uncontrollably and can hardly get the words out of my mouth..."that is penis haircut guy from a few weeks ago". OMG! It's him. The guy who lied about his age, looked like a washed up surfer dude...remember him? He makes his way over and hangs out for a bit. I noticed my camera is in my purse. Classic. Completely classic. And for your viewing pleasure, here it is...the penis haircut: