Sorry it's been a few days. I didn't have too terribly much to update (actually, I was pretty much hung over all weekend so blogging fell to the bottom of the list!).
This might be a long one...lots of good things going on! :)
So I'll start with Saturday night. I met a friend I hadn't seen since High School out for drinks. Another facebook miracle so to speak. She is also single and we seem to have plenty of dating/match.com war stories to share! I had a blast! I was still a little hung over/tired from Friday night but I managed to rally! We started off at a fairly low key restuarant/bar on the Plaza for drinks and dinner. Then we decided to head to O'Douds. So glad we did. It was nice enough that she thought maybe some people might be up on the roof. He he he. We walk up there and what to our wondering eyes should appear??? 20 guys all sitting at one huge table....and us. Since the only available heat lamp happened to be at a table right next to them, we took it. They were pretty mellow and it took us a while to figure out what their story was. We could tell is was a broad mix of guys and it was obvious that didn't all know each other. Which is brough to one deduction: bachelor party!!! It didn't take too terribly long and one of the gents came over and struck up a conversation. He was charming and really quite adorable (not for me though...I think he'd be a good one for the friend I was with). He did confirm that in fact it was a bachelor party and they were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the party bus to take them to their next destination. A few of the other guys came over to chat and they starting getting a little more social and lively. It was really fun. The intial guy ended up giving us his card and we are planning a little happy hour sometime in the next few weeks. He swears he has other single friends so who knows! :) Needless to say the night ended up being a ball. Sunday morning I swore off drinking for a few days. That lasted until 5pm Sunday evening when I arrived at a SuperBowl party. Damn bourbon!
So, here's what you've all been anxiously awaiting...the update on McScotty. Strap in...this gets good. I hadn't heard from him all weekend which I was honestly OK with. After such a good time out with friends both Fri and Sat I quickly realized that maybe the 'love' feelings I thought I had were more 'lust'. I would certainly be ok without not being tied down to an 'exclusive' relationship right now. It's probably great all the drama happened with him because it gave me time to step back and reevaluate my situation.
So Monday at 7am I get a text: "I miss you so much". I waited a while to respond because frankly I didn't know what to say. I responded with, "Thanks for the message. I have been doing my best the last few days to move on."
And then we had a little mini-conversation that played out as follows:
He: "I am having a very hard time doing that. This is the most trying time of my life. And I fear I have compounded my own pain by pushing you away. I am so sorry"
Me: "I don't what to say to make it better. I know you are going through hell and I tried to be there for you but you shut me out. I know you are sorry but it doesn't change what happened."
He: "I was foolish. You are the best person I have ever known. If I could have a second chance I would be grateful.
Me: "We need to sit down and talk about some things before that could even happen."
He "Name the place and time, I'll be there".
So....last night we got together for a little bit to 'talk'. I thought it was going to be really awkward, which it wasn't. I thought he was going to cry a lot, which he didn't. He seemed to be incredibly remorseful and realizes how bad he screwed things up. I do have some sympathy for the guy...he has a lot of shit going on in his life right now. But, in the last few days I have had a lot of time to think about where things are going with him and what I need and want right now. Never in my life have I been selfish. I like to make others happy, even if that means sacraficing my own feelings. So after we talked for a few minutes I laid it out there for him: I told him basically I liked hanging out with him, wouldn't mind continuing to see him but we need to take about 10 steps back. I am not ready to be in an exclusive relationship. I am not ready to lay my heart on the line for him or anyone really. I have only been divorced (officially) for less than 3 months. I need to have fun and figure things out. I told him I realized how incredibly selfish this was of me, but that's what I need right now. And if he wants to stick around and hang out, great. If not, I completely understand.
His response was pretty good. He said he completely understood where I was coming from and he could deal with that. He then asked if he could "have" Valentine's Day. It was funny...a good light-hearted moment. After the big 'talk' we hung out for a while and had fun...we laughed. We talked about other things. It was really good. But, I have to be honest. The feelings I had for him before didn't all come rushing back. That was my fear in seeing him and to my surprise they didn't. I think I can really do this. I think I can casually date him and not let my emotions get sucked in like they did before. I think I can just let myself have some fun for a while!!!
And to that end, I have a date with a new guy tomorrow. Lunch date. He has the same first name as McScotty...this could get confusing! :)
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