What a year!

Exactly one year ago today. In a way it feels like last week. In others, it feels like a lifetime ago. In the beginning, I would wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if it's all a dream...I'd pat the bed next to me and realize it's real. I did it. I can honestly say a year later...it was so worth it! The lyrics of this song describe perfectly my thought process 365 days ago:


Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

A year ago I was incredibly scared about what the future would hold for Layla and I. I didn't know where we'd be living the next week, the next month or the next year. I didn't know what he would do, to us or to himself. I remember vividly the one and really only time I broke down in tears. It was a few days after the papers were served and he was demanding to see Layla which I knew I couldn't stop or deny him of that right. We all knew his mental state wasn't the best so both my Dad and Stepdad decided it would be best for them to both go drop her off. I remember standing in the driveway and watching them drive away with her. It wasn't as though I hadn't thought long and hard about the impact my decision would have on her life, but in that moment, it became real.

I can only look back and smile and marvel in the wonderful and blessed ways my life has changed. I have learned just how much strength and resilience I have inside. I have learned just how incredibly important my friends, family, and God are, and also, how much they love both Layla and I. I have found myself again (that sounds so corny for me, but it's so true. I had lost so much of myself in that marriage. As my friends tell me all the time, "CP is back"!). I have also learned how the material things in life just don't matter that much.

Again, another song that speaks these words better than I could:

And its funny how it’s the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There’s no dollar sign on a piece of mind this I’ve come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise you glasses for a toast


My life today is far better than it's ever been. Yes, there have been struggles in the past year. There are days were I don't get to sit down until 9:30pm and wonder if it'll always be this crazy and exhausting. Even when I am completely exhausted and can't seem to find the energy to do the little things, I can't help but smile.

The future will unfold, one day at a time. I don't know what it'll bring, but one thing is for sure, I am sure as hell gonna enjoy the ride.